Worth
by kaitou-marron
Summary: Just what exactly is Akira worth to Hikaru? What is Hikaru worth to Akira? The story, set after the series ends, explores those questions and includes fluffiness as well as HikaAki shounenai pairing.
1. Fun with Fast Food

**Disclaimer: **Hikago is not my genius spawn. I wish it were, but it's not. : pout :

**Author's Notes:** I wanted to make this thing multi-chapter, but I'm not quite sure where exactly I'll take it. Please let me know if you guys would like to read more of what my mind can come up with. Hehe. No shounen-ai as of now, but that may change. (If anything it'll be HikaxAki. That being said, I've never written shounen-ai before, so it might be a little rough.) Characters' thoughts are in italics.

**Chapter 1: Fun with Fast Food**

Touya Akira held his hamburger and watched distastefully as red ketchup and grease oozed from beneath the buns coating well kempt nails with oily stickiness. Why had he come? It was the same question he asked himself over and over again. _Because Shindou dragged me here,_ he thought looking doggedly at the boy seated next to him. Yes, Hikaru had been forceful as always. "Come to lunch with us," he had urged, all but dragging a protesting Akira after him.

Now Akira felt out of place in the fast food joint, as he watched Shindou, Waya, and Isumi chat like old friends. There was nothing more he wanted than to go back to the game he was playing where he was sure of his standing, sure of himself. Numbly, he took a bite of the hamburger, pretending not to see yet another dirty look that Waya shot him. As more ketchup dripped from his burger, he silently congratulated himself on refusing to give into the desire to use a fork and knife to cut up and eat his food. He chewed and wondered why it was that he felt more comfortable amongst the adults that studied under his father.

"Ne, Touya? Ne?" Hikaru's bright voice interrupted him from his thoughts, the tone demanded answering.

"I'm sorry," he replied, shaking his head. "I wasn't paying attention." From the corner of his eye, he could see Waya scoff, the event feeding the golden-eyed boy's perception of him. _It's not a big deal,_ Akira convinced himself. In school people, especially around those who were in the Go Club, always treated him like this, as if he thought he were better than anyone else. Although it wasn't the case, he, numbed from constant snubbing, had mastered the art of seeming as if he ceased to care what others thought.

"I said," Hikaru repeated, tone getting impatient. "That we'll win next year's Hokuto Cup. It's about that time, ne Touya?"

"I think," Touya said carefully, "that there has been a lot of improvement in the last year. With that being said the competitors have also gotten stronger." Calm, clear sea-green eyes peered at the boy with two toned hair, watched as the other boy got frustrated with the answer.

"You're still underestimating us," Hikaru said, a frown on his face, anger showing in his olive green eyes.

_You wanted to say, underestimating me,_ Akira gathered with his discerning perception. "I just do not think we should be overconfident."

A sneer on his face, Waya interjected, "I'm going to be part of the team this year, and together Hikaru and I will show you how weak we're not."

"Pass the playoffs first," he suggested the tone in his voice as detached as he could make it.

"I will," Waya snarled. Under his breath he muttered, "You think we're overconfident, but again, you don't have to play for a spot, arrogant prick." Although his musings weren't loud, the hostility behind the words was a clear indication that comment was meant to be heard.

So Waya thought he was an arrogant prick; that was fine. He heard many similar accusations at school. Still, it bothered him when words like this were spoken. _You don't even know me,_ he thought, taking a breath to calm himself, to help him regain that control he was so well known for. "Thanks for inviting me to lunch, Shindou," he addressed, getting up and pushing his chair in afterwards. "I think I will be going early to think about my game more."

"Touya, don't go!" Hikaru tried. "Waya didn't mean anything by it."

"I wasn't aware that Waya made any comments," Touya answered, facing the group of three with his game face: eerily calm with concentrated eyes. Surveying the group once more, he bowed his head politely, feeling dark, silky hair swish in his face. With that, he left the restaurant.

"T-touya," Hikaru was left to stammer as his rival left the building without another look back.

"Leave him," was Waya's response, cold as ever.

Isumi looked disapprovingly at Waya for his uninvited attack on Touya Akira.

_Still, _Hikaru thought, both saddened and angered by his rival's sudden departure. _You still don't see me as your equal._

"What the hell was his problem?" Waya asked, taking a swig of his cola. "That Touya, Akira." Bitterness tinged his voice as he said the name as if it were poison.

Hikaru, unable to hide his disappointment, stayed in his state of open-mouthed shock.

"Maaa," Isumi reassured. "Touya isn't the type to let something like this phase him. But still, Waya …" Although he let his sentence trail, the message he wanted to send to the golden-eyed boy was clear.

"Forget about it," Waya told Hikaru with a dismissive wave. "He's not worth it."

Silently, Hikaru finished his meal thinking that he really disagreed with his spiky haired friend. _But he is. He is worth it._

**More Author's notes** (since I'm sure your enjoyed the first set so much :p ): I had trouble with NAMES. Oh boy. You know how most of the characters call each other by their last name, but they all have first names too. 0.o I might not have been consistent, and for that I apologize. Seriously, I was reading American Shounen Jump after having read Hikago scanslations and my first thought was, _Woaaaah, Tsutsui has a first name. Who knew?_

Please tell me what you think. It has been a while since I've written, so the rusty wheels are turning and doing the best they can. : meep : Thanks for reading!


	2. School

**Disclaimer:** Hikago isn't mine.

**Author's notes:** Last chapter for a couple of weeks, probably. (I'm taking a summer lab class, and it's a killer. If you don't believe me, I'll gladly have you reference my 70+ page lab report.) Still, non-shounen ai, although I _really_ do think that it's going to change.

**Chapter 2: School**

Akira, back in front of the goban, felt as if he were in control of his life once more. _If I cut here,_ he thought, eyes narrowed and focused, _this whole shape will be in trouble._ He played with the utmost confidence that he would win. A few moves later, it was official when his opponent resigned. Although some games were stressful, they were the most enjoyable part of his day by far. Now, he had to put all of that aside and head back to high school.

"T-touya!" Hikaru called from behind him.

"What is it, Shindou?" the refined boy asked, turning to see the hopeful eyes of the other boy.

"Do you want to go play a game? I mean I finished mine, too."

"I'm going back to school," Akira replied shortly.

"You're still going to school?" Hikaru asked amazed. "I would have figured that you'd spend all of your time perfecting your go."

"I study the game sufficiently." He was growing tired of the conversation.

"I didn't mean that …" The bleach-blond boy lowered his head slightly. "But … why are you going to high school? You don't need to."

Akira looked at the other boy wondering if he should say something detached and cold as always. Surprising both of himself as well as the other boy, he replied with the truth, "I go to school still, because father always regretted not finishing high school." With that he left the building and headed for school.

---------------------------------------------------------

Once at school, Akira headed towards the bathroom to change into his uniform. Although the principal had given him permission to forgo the uniform, he thought that it would be better if he adhered to school dress codes. He stood out enough as it was. Glancing at his watch, he saw that he could still make it to part of his fifth class and for his sixth and seventh class. _Math, Literature, and Chemistry_, he thought, heading toward his locker, pulling books out, putting others away, and hanging the suit carefully on the hooks inside of the door of his locker.

He walked into class, late, like always. Thoughtful eyes glanced over the notes on the board. Thankfully, he hadn't missed too much material. As inconspicuously as possible, he pulled out his notebook and started copying the notes, watching his neat handwriting fill the page. Even as he concentrated on his schooling, he noticed actions of others around him.

He heard one boy whispering to another one. "He's not as late as he normally is. An easy win for him, I guess."

The other boy responded with a scoff. "A boy like him, who never loses, must piss off all of those people who are older than he is."

Lowering his head, Akira hid behind his hair, eyes burning with anger. Again, he focused on the blackboard in front of him, carefully taking notes, fingers gripping his pencil so hard that his knuckles turned white.

The bell sounded sooner than he expected it to. It had taken him the rest of the period to catch up with the notes. With a relieved sigh, he packed up his books and headed to his next class, not bothering to stop by his locker to chat with friends, unlike so many of his other classmates. It didn't matter; his next teacher was sort of a Go fanatic, so he always asked about his game.

_It doesn't matter,_ he thought reassuring himself. _I'd much rather be in the company of my teacher instead of other kids my age._ Even as the train of thought was complete, the image of two toned hair and challenging olive green eyes sprang in his mind. _Shindou,_ he recognized. As quickly as the picture formed, he forced it out of his mind. Now was not the time to be thinking about him, a person's presence that always placed some sort of pressure on him, pushing him forth but at the same time frustrating him completely.

He entered the room of his Literature teacher. With a polite nod and the proper greeting, he took his seat and waited for the question he knew would come.

"Did you win?" Mr. Yamamoto asked, stroking the white hairs on his chin.

"Yes," Akira replied, eyes focused forward.

"That's a good boy. Your father must be proud of you."

"I …" He paused, letting his sentence trail of when he discovered that really didn't know. His father rarely spoke to him due to all of his recent travels.

"I'm sure he is. You're a bright boy, and this is a tough high school to get into. You're also working a full time job too."

"Thank you," Akira replied, getting out his books and readying himself for class when he noticed other students beginning to stream in.

Boys nudged each other at the sight of him. Some he recognized from Kaiou's Junior High Go Club. He tried to smile and catch their eye, but they just turned away and sat on the other side of the room. He thought he heard one of them say, "he thinks he's so great, sitting there all smug." Another misconception that he couldn't fix. With a deep breath and a sigh, he focused his attention on the teacher as class started.

The day ended like any other with a lot of loud noise filling the halls. Akira just had to get his books and suit and head over to the Go salon to fulfill other pro-Go obligations.

"Can I get through?" he asked politely, to the guys that stood in front of his locker. When they ignored him, he tapped one of the guys on the arm.

"What is it?" the other guy asked gruffly.

"Can I please get into my locker?" he repeated. Although his voice was quiet, it held that calm authority that he was so well known for.

"You can wait until we're done," the guy responded. "Unless you're too good to wait. You think that you don't have to wait your turn because you're better than us."

"You're locker isn't even here," Akira protested.

"But my buddy's is," he snarled back. He pointed at the guy who was casually leafing through his folders in front of an open locker.

Akira wanted to protest that he was on a tight schedule, but he knew it would accomplish nothing but angering the guys further. Even as he bowed his head to acknowledge the truth in his statement, his green eyes were fixed on them, burning with his hidden message, urging them to hurry.

"Geez," the one at the locker said, "if you're going to do that, you might as well just tell us to get going. You might as well just tell us that your time is worth more than ours. Seriously, that's what you think, anyways, that nobody our age is worth more than you are." The guy looked down at Akira, practically spitting the words out as a curse.

To Akira's surprise, olive green eyes sprang into his mind, lively and challenging. Why was he thinking of Shindou at a time like this? With a sigh, he shook his head and was about to deny the guy's accusation, when he was cut off.

"Seriously," the friend agreed. "Why aren't you more outspoken? State what you want like a man, instead of being all girlish about it. You know, unless that's what you want people to think about you …" Although the guy's voice trailed off, he looked pointedly at Akira's hair.

Anger coursed through every fiber of Akira's being. It wasn't like it was his first time hearing such comments, but it infuriated him every time, made his ears and eyes burn with the emotion. He found the fact that his classmates were so quick to judge both frustrating and at times amusing. Although his first impulse was to touch the ends of his chin length hair, he ignored it and said in his coldest voice, "Fine. Please move. I'm on a tight schedule." The two guys gave him a measured look before leaving, and he was sure that they left cursing him and his arrogance.

**Author's notes: **I have no idea the amount of schooling Touya Meijin had, and I'm not sure the series told us. So, just assume he didn't finish High school. Also, I'm not familiar with the curriculum an Asian high school-er would be going through, so I made up Akira's schedule based off of more of an American system.

And like always, please review. It's nice to know that other people enjoy my story, think I could do something to improve, etc. (It's also good motivation, because, seriously, people wouldn't post publicly if they didn't want feedback.)


	3. Late Night Meeting

**Disclaimer:** The standard "I dun own Hikago" thing.

**Author's notes**: It's 4th of July! (Which means I get a little break … sort of.) I woke up early to edit this, and now I have to get ready to go to the computer lab to meet my group and finish this lab report!

In this chapter I use the Go term "sente." It sort of identifies a "lead move." I'll try to explain it the best to my ability here. There are spots to play in, which require the opponent's response. After the sequence is played out, whoever gets the next move has sente and can play elsewhere.

**Chapter 3: Late Night Meeting**

It was nearly 8:00 when Akira returned home, and he was starving. _At least Ichikawa-san brought me some food today,_ he thought gratefully. Although she had a boyfriend now, she still took the time to take care of him when his parents were away. Shaking his head, he laughed when his mind's eye conjured up an image of the boyfriend. Everyone at the salon could see it, but nobody would dare state the obvious resemblance between him and Akira.

While waiting for the food to heat up, Akira looked longingly at the go books piled on the dining room table as he pulled out school books from an overloaded backpack. If it was worth anything, he knew himself well. He would gladly study go into the wee hours of the morning, but it didn't work that way with his school work. Instead of wasting meaningless time thinking about how long his day was or how tired he was, he got to work. Luckily, he had a study period scheduled first, so he had only missed three classes during the game: two language classes and history. Out of the three, History would take him the longest to finish reading. With a resigned sigh, he flipped to the page that was assigned and began reading the text. When he was finished with that and the written assignment that accompanied it, he moved onto his next subject without so much as skipping a beat.

Exhaling loudly, Akira set down his Chinese language book, rubbing his dry, tired eyes. How much time had passed since he had started his homework? Looking around, he tried to gather clues as to how late it was. Except for the light in the dining room, the house was dark, uninhabited, telling him nothing. The utter stillness of his surroundings used to bother Akira when his parents had first started taking their many trips, but he had slowly grown accustomed to the solitude. Instead of merely putting up with this sort of isolation during the day, it now continued throughout the night as well. It was nothing that he wasn't already used to.

As soon as he rose to check the clock, chimes sounded in the background, indicating it was eleven. The clear, rich clanging echoed clearly through the quiet house. It was silly how at one time he had found the noise slightly disturbing, an hourly reminder of exactly how alone he was. Now, he had come to welcome the chimes as the only constant in his life, the only thing that was predictable. For him, the eerie bonging had become a signal that something was still waiting for him when he returned home. Tired, bleary-eyed, and frustrated, he ran a hand through his hair. Unable to stifle a yawn, he decided that it was time to take a break so he could somewhat wake up before his Go studies. Heading upstairs, he readied himself for a shower.

xxx

Shindou Hikaru glanced at his watch, trying to decipher the time using only the aid of the dim lemon-colored light of the streetlamp. It was his fault for being out so late. Morishita-sensei's study group ran late, and then he chose to go to Waya's afterwards instead of heading straight home. At the very least, he knew his mother wouldn't be worried; she had long gotten over her silly reservations about his odd hours. But what he was doing now was something he had never thought he would do. Here it was a quarter past eleven, and he stood in front of Touya Akira's house for no apparent reason.

_I really wanted to play him today,_ he rationalized, recalling the other boy's cold dismissal. _But Touya's always like that, sending people away, making them feel inferior._

Cloudy, deep green eyes widened as they always did when he took in the image of the big house, knowing very much that his rival was there alone. _I'm itching for a go match,_ he convinced himself. With that, he pulled out his cell phone and hit the speed dial to a very familiar number. In the phone, he could hear the ring, once, twice…

_I really hate this ring,_ he thought distractedly, waiting–no willing—Akira to pick up the phone. _Damnit!_ He cursed. _Nobody's picking up, but he **has** to be home now. At this time of night, Touya would be home. What if something has happened?_

xxx

_That's more like it,_ Akira thought draping a towel around his shoulders. He felt clean again, refreshed, as if he could accomplish anything. And really, he was much more comfortable in a t-shirt and a pair of loose athletic shorts. He was already headed downstairs, when a thump, thump, thump caught his attention.

_Somebody at the door?_ he thought quizzically. He certainly wasn't expecting anybody, and none of his parents' friends would be around to check on him at this hour. But still, the pounding continued, the knocks getting louder and louder, their frequency becoming closer and closer, so he hurried to the door and threw it open to reveal …

_Shindou?_ he thought, brows furrowing in an attempt to think of reasons to why the boy would be here so late. "Shindou?" he asked, when no logical explanation would come to his mind.

Hikaru felt as if he had been pounding forever when the door finally opened to reveal Akira on the other side. A slightly damp towel decorated the other boy's shoulders, water from freshly washed hair dripping down. Taking in a deep breath of what seemed to be relief, Hikaru realized he could still smell the fragrance of Touya's shampoo, crisp, clean, and refreshing. It definitely didn't seem to be the cheap market place stuff he used.

_Hmm, this is the most casual I've ever seen him,_ he observed, deep green eyes darting around to take in Akira's attire. _He almost looks normal._

"Shindou?" Akira repeated when Hikaru still hadn't spoken. Although he was still his polite self, his voice was clipped and cold, expressing his rising exasperation.

"I was afraid … that you'd di—" Hikaru stopped mid-sentence, knowing very well his fear, but also knowing that the other boy would not understand. _I'm so silly,_ he scolded himself. _There's no way Touya would disappear. Unlike Sai, Touya still has a lifetime in front of him. A bright future to live up to all of those expectations that the Go world has put on him._

"What were you afraid of?" Akira asked, truly puzzled. He knew that Hikaru acted oddly at times, but he was really too tired to try to figure anything out.

"I wanted to play a game," Hikaru amended.

"This late? You should have called first."

Akira's statement was clear-cut and reasonable, but the way he had said it implied bewilderment at why Hikaru couldn't figure out such a simple concept.

"I did," Hikaru returned, feeling frustration well up. _I'll never be worried about you** ever** again,_ he raged silently. "Nobody picked up."

"So that's the signal for you to come and pound on my door, I assume," Akira retorted crossing his arms across his chest.

"If you don't want to play, I'm going home!" Hikaru huffed, whirling around.

"Wait!" Akira called after him. "If you're already here, we might as well play."

Settled at the goban in the living room, Akira waited for Hikaru to play. It seemed as if he was spending most of his time waiting. Putting a hand over his mouth, he covered up his yawn. Perhaps he was just very tired today; the pounding headache that had developed during the course of the game had not helped either. Carefully, he tried to neither give into the fatigue nor the pain that pulsed behind his tired, dry eyes. The days when he had pro Go games scheduled, school, and then further Go obligations afterwards wore him out completely as he had come to discover. So, he glanced at the board and noticed that the other boy was tired too. Playing on both sides was clearly sloppy.

_I'll just wait for him to play, and then I'll extend my territory here,_ he thought, already surveying both his and Hikaru's positions on the board. So, he waited for the pachi sound of marble stone hitting the wood, wanted to hear the refreshing sharpness, but for him the sound never came.

Hikaru had been searching for a spot to play that demanded a response, something that would allow him to keep sente, and he had finally found the perfect position. _How do you like that?_ he thought triumphantly, although he had to admit it had taken him lot longer than it should have to decide where to play. When he turned excited eyes to his opponent, he found the long haired boy gently swaying back and forth in his sitting position, eyes closed peacefully.

"Goddamn it, wake –" Before he could finish his sentence, he stopped. For Akira to fall asleep during a game must have meant that he was absolutely exhausted. "Uh!" Hikaru grunted in surprised, as Akira's whole body pitched forward towards the board.

**Author's notes**: Is the OOCness too bad? Touya would never fall asleep during a game. : hides in shame :

Reviews are always welcome. I'll try my best to update as my free time allows me to.


	4. Sleep for the Weary

**Disclaimer:** I dun own the characters. I do own my mind though … my drama-filled, angst-loving, HikaAki fangirl mind. : smiles sweetly :

**Author's notes**: Umm … definite hints at shounen ai now. This chapter is a little shorter and slower-moving than the previous ones. I dun think this is a very good chapter. : frowns : I'm sorry. Some fluffiness ensues. As always, read, enjoy, and review.

**Chapter 4: Sleep for the Weary**

The scene of watching Akira's body fall forward was so surreal to Hikaru that he swore it was happening in slow motion right before his eyes. With nimble, catlike reflexes, he compensated for his momentary stupor as he caught Akira's shoulders from across the board before the boy crashed head first into the game.

"Geez," he commented childishly. "You let me stay for a game, but you can't even stay awake." Even as he rolled his eyes, he was already moving around the board, slowly and carefully in order not to disturb the other boy while keeping him upright. Shaking his head unbelievingly, Hikaru looked down at a peaceful looking Akira lying defenseless in his arms. "You've really been working yourself too hard, haven't you?" Instinctively, Hikaru's hands moved to brush strands of still drying hair out of the sleeping boy's face.

Shaking his head, he wondered what the correct course of action would be. At times like this, he wished that Sai was still around. Even if the ghost would have been no help, his company would have been appreciated. Hikaru thought a little harder, imagining the ghost running around in a frenzy waving his fan scolding him because he worked Akira to his deathbed. Face blanching, he decided that it was better for this particular event that he was alone.

_What to do?_ Cradling Akira's body with one hand he rested his chin in the other to help him calm down and think. Big mistake. He could smell the lingering scent of Akira's shampoo and conditioner on his fingers, fragrant, crisp, and wonderfully distracting as he looked at the dark-haired boy.

With a heavy sigh, he said, "Let's get you to your room." Hikaru knew that Akira was slightly taller than he was, but was delighted in discovering that the other boy was surprisingly light. Grimacing, Hikaru started ascending the stairs, trying to keep perfect balance with the added weight. Once at the mouth of Akira's room, he fumbled for the light switch. "Goddamn," he whispered. "You're just so much trouble." Although his words were angry, his tone held no malice as his eyes focused on Akira's face. He was aware of how Akira's slow breathing raised and lowered his chest slightly, how his lashes rested softly against his pale skin; the dark against the light contrasted beautifully.

He walked Akira over to his bed, a tatami, actually. Given the appearance of Akira's father, it wasn't really surprising how traditionally the Touya's lived, even though the ex-Mejin brought in more than enough money to have a lavish, contemporary life. He set his rival on the mat gently, feeling a somewhat wistful smile spread across his lips. _Delicate features, narrow chin, peaches and cream complexion, silky hair…any girl would be jealous,_ he thought ruefully. The image of Akira now made him want to laugh. So ironic was the image of sleeping Akira, face undisturbed and serene, when Hikaru was so used to intense, sea-green eyes challenging him, focused on the win.

_Sleep, eh,_ he thought. Not a bad idea, considering he couldn't exactly leave without leaving the door unlocked, which invited burglars (or perverts in white suits). Covering Akira with a blanket, he settled down on the floor next to him, purposely turning his back to him. _The last thing I need is to be misunderstood._ As he settled down, eyelids fluttering shut, he smiled slightly remembering Akira's warmth cradled in his arms.

-----------------------------------------

Blinking his eyes, Akira shook his head. What had happened? He was trying to remember it himself. The headache, the game, Hikaru. Thoughts rushed back into his mind as his eyes focused in front of him. There lay Hikaru, body curled towards and facing him. Wisps of feather-like blonde hair fell in his face.

_He must have carried me up here,_ Akira assessed, seeing as he had no memory of climbing the stairs on his own. From his own position, he could reach out and touch Hikaru's dyed bangs, clear them from blocking his face. An adventurous hand stretched out, long, artistic fingers extended towards the other boy, fingers trembling as he moved forward. Hikaru coughed in his sleep, tucking his head deeper into his shoulder. Shocked by the sudden movement, Akira felt his hand drop. A tiny smile gracing his lips, he rolled his body slightly towards Hikaru's.

_This doesn't feel so wrong,_ he thought closing his eyes once more.

-----------------------------------------

With a yawn Hikaru opened his eyes and was met with another view of Akira, picturesquely innocent in his slumber. What had startled Hikaru was their nearness. They faced each other, not more than a foot away. Akira's right arm was outstretched so his fingers were lightly curled up under the fabric of Hikaru's right sleeve, beautiful, long fingers that helped Akira's appearance of pure grace, especially when placing stones onto the go board. Slowly, Hikaru drew away from the other boy, removing his arm from out of Akira's reach, only to find that his own hand was reaching back for the other boy, towards his go playing hand. As gently as possible, he ran a finger across the go-stone worn nail on Akira's index finger, moved gently to the slightly calloused tip of the middle finger, and he didn't stop there. Still, touch as soft as falling snow, Hikaru added another finger to his caress, let his index and middle fingers trace down until they reached Akira's palm, where he let them rest.

"Hnn," Akria murmured in his sleep, fingers closing reflexively around Hikaru's. The bleach blond boy's eyes widened as he felt his heart skip a beat. At first he thought it was just out of nervousness at almost being discovered, but then his mind nagged at him, nagged that it could be something more. When the dark haired boy did not awaken, Hikaru found himself letting out a breath of relief.

Closing his eyes, he made the choice to keep his fingers in the other boy's grasp, thinking, _this isn't so bad. . . in fact, it's kind of nice._

**Author's notes:** So, I realized something after I wrote it… In houses, you can lock the door from the inside. From school dorms and apartments, you cannot. I think I've been at college for too long. Please bear with that slight oversight. I'll try to correct for it somehow later.

Funny convo (yes this actually happened):

Me: Waaah! I love Touya Akira. He's sooo cute, smart, and polite. He's like the son I haven't had yet!

Friend: You're Chinese. Your boyfriend is white. There is no way you're going to have a Japanese child. -.-


	5. Mistakes and the Mistaken

**Disclaimer: **Standard stuff. Hikago doesn't belong to me. Don't sue me! Really, I'm not worth it. : sigh : That's the truth too.

**Author's notes:** I apologize again for the last chapter. It was kind of bland. : thoughtful look : But I guess something like that would have still had to have happened. : shrug : I hope this one is better for everyone. Read and enjoy. (Reviews are appreciated.)

**Chapter 5: Mistakes and the Mistaken**

As the first rays of pale, yellow sunlight began to filter into the room, Akira felt himself awaken naturally and become gradually more aware. Yesterday, he had the wildest dream that Hikaru had come and . . . Blinking his eyes hard, he found that it had not been a dream and that the other boy still slept peacefully next to him. Not only was Hikaru sleeping next to him, but his hand grasped the other boy's lightly.

"Shindou?" he whispered softly with half the purpose to wake and the other half with the purpose to begin asking an unspoken question that was plaguing his mind. When the other boy didn't stir, he repeated himself more loudly, squeezing his fingers slightly.

"Mmmm," the other boy finally responded, coming too, olive green eyes opening slowly. Sleep haze still showed in the wide eyes.

"T-touya!" Hikaru asked surprised, eyes looking at his hand that was still tucked into the other boy's.

Akira caught Hikaru looking and immediately felt his face flush. Quickly, he withdrew his hand. Feeling defensive, he propped himself up to a sitting position, ignoring every fiber of his being that told him to remain lying down in his relaxed manner. "What are you still doing here?" he asked eyes downcast, voice cold.

"What? I was worried about your health," Hikaru defended.

"Who invited you to stay?" he badgered.

"I … I wasn't about to leave the door unlocked," Hikaru protested.

"We have a lock that locks from the inside," Akira replied quietly. "You should have left without worrying about the deadbolts."

"But … I … I thought that they only locked on the outside."

"Not my house," Touya responded, wondering if the icy tone he heard was really his.

"Mmm," Hikaru wondered aloud. "Must have been Waya's then."

"W-waya?" Akira asked, face losing all sense of any good humor at the mention of a certain golden-eyed boy who was always particularly nasty to him. With an angry pause, he gathered his thoughts. "Well, I'm awake now. There is no longer a reason for you to be here."

With that he turned away from Hikaru, turned away from him because he was somehow bothered by the fact that the boy spent some of his nights at Waya's, turned away because he didn't want to look at the other boy's adorably sleep rumpled head. He didn't want to see dark green eyes searching his face earnestly.

"Fine," Hikaru returned, hostility entering his voice. "This just tells me that I should have never been worried about you in the first place."

"I didn't ask for you to be worried."

"I know!" Hikaru exclaimed, blood boiling. "That's why I'm leaving!" With that, he rose from his position on the floor, movements jerky and filled with barely contained anger.

Just as Hikaru was about to retreat, Akira turned his head to call for him to stay, to apologize. But even before he could say the other boy's name, Hikaru had already stormed off.

------

Akira scolded himself for what must have been the millionth time that day. Even while playing his last game of tutoring Go for the evening, he was still thinking about the events of that morning. _Someone is nice to you, so you pick a fight and throw him out,_ he berated himself. Running on automatic, he smiled and reviewed the game with his customer as calmly and politely as always. By the time he had left the salon, he was dying to see if he had any messages on his cell phone. He had left Hikaru a message saying that he was sorry for being rude that morning, and now he wanted to see if his gesture had be accepted.

_Nothing,_ he thought dejectedly, flipping up the cell phone. With a shake of his head, he felt his mood dip dangerously low. Sighing, he shoved his phone roughly into the pocket of his slacks, fingers still clenched tightly around it. On his way home, he passed by the mini-mart near his house. He decided that he might as well stop by and get food, since at this time of night he was in no mood to prepare any himself.

While in the market, Akira rummaged through the produce. Eventually, he would have to cook for himself again, and so he added things to his basket while looking around.

_Ahh,_ he thought, when he discovered a bento box. Katsu-don, a dish he didn't particularly like, or hate for that matter, but lazy people couldn't be choosy. With that, he added it to the basket. After paying for his groceries, he walked out to discover that the sky had dimmed greatly since he had begun his journey home. The last sign of the sun, vivid orangey-pinks that tinted the horizon line, was being devoured as deep purples of twilight spilled over like a spreading ink blot.

_I just want to go home and take a shower,_ he thought, weary from yet another draining day. _I hate feeling like this._ Shaking his head, he could only remember his callous actions towards Hikaru. A heavy sigh leaving his lips, he decided to take a more direct route home, through backstreets and alleyways. As he headed on his way, he was stopped, much to his surprise.

"Hey there, can you give us a hand," one of the men asked him. Another one stood behind the first holding a paper bag, filled presumably with a bottle of alcohol. They looked to be about his father's age.

"I'm in a hurry," Akira told them, polite mask in place.

"Don't be like that, babe."

_Babe,_ Akira thought, anger flaring up at the mistake. It had been a while since he had been mistaken for female; he had thought his shoulders were starting to fill out. Even if they had, his frame was still lean, slender, and a bit willowy. "I'm a boy," he corrected.

"Pretty thing like you?" the one with the paper bag asked incredulously taking a swig out of the paper bag.

Even while cringing in distaste, Akira noticed that his perception about the two guys was correct: drunkards, the both of them. "I'm a male," he said more firmly, nodding his heads towards them. "But, as I said, I'm in a hurry to get home, so please, excuse me."

"A young gal like you with the groceries," the first man commented, ignoring Akira's affirmation to his gender. "Must not have people to go home to."

"I'll be leaving now," Akira gritted through clenched teeth proceeding past them. It was times like this that he wished he could wear his school uniform at all times.

"I think you should help us first," one of the guys said, grabbing Akira's wrist, tugging him back.

Surprised, Akira felt his grip on his shopping bag falter, watched as his groceries spilled to the floor skidding across the dirty pavement…

**Author's notes: **Muahaha! I told you I'd correct for the locked door situation. So what's going to happen in the next chapter? No one knows! … Well, except for me, and it's probably going to be something predictable. LOL. Anyways, I hope you all stay tuned.

A special thanks goes out to my reviewers. Thanks for taking the time to let me know what you think.


	6. Alleyways,Aggressiveness,and Awkwardness

**Disclaimer:** Hikago bu shi wo de. It's a pity, really.

**Author's notes: **Yay! First summer session is over! Unit operations lab will suck my soul no longer. CELEBRATION CHAPTER!

Ahem. This is the chapter I've had the most fun writing thus far. For some reason I got the idea from my reviews that the readers _really_ like cliffhangers. So … : smiles innocently : Yeah, enjoy reading. And like always, please review if the fancy strikes you …

**Chapter 6: Alleyways, Aggressiveness, and Awkwardness (oh my!)**

Hikaru kicked a pebble along the street, not knowing why he was in this part of town so late at night. Oh, who was he kidding, he was here because it was Akira's part of town, because the dark-haired boy had apologized for his actions earlier that morning. _Piss,_ he finally admitted. _It's really just because I want to see him and make sure everything is okay._

He knew from the beginning that Akira's concentrated, forceful eyes dragged him forth. Helplessly, he had followed the other boy into the world of Pro Go players, motivated by the drive and determination he saw in the other boy. But what he didn't know was when Akira had begun to have a different sort of draw over him; more recently of late, he wondered if the refined boy meant more to him than just a rival. Last night had confirmed his feelings.

As the last signs of lively daylight faded into the mysterious whispers of night, Hikaru knew that Akira would be nearing his house, and he wanted to there to meet his rival. It was then, that a disturbance in a nearby alleyway caught he corner of his eye. _Men are disgusting,_ he thought surveying the situation. All he could see were two middle aged men surrounding a resisting third party with dark hair, a natural grace, and …

_Wait … is that …Touya,_ Hikaru speculated, looking at the image through his bleached bangs. _It … it **is**._ Shaking his head ruefully, he stepped into the mouth of the alleyway.

"Hey," he cried in his sharpest, most attention commanding voice. "You two, leave him alone!"

The two men, obviously intoxicated, dragged a long look between Hikaru and Akira, before the one with the bag addressed Akira, "Daaamn, so you really are a guy." With that, he stretched out dirt encrusted fingers to the boy's sweater, as if to touch his chest just to make sure.

"Don't touch me!" Akira cried simultaneously pushing the guy away and stepping back himself. One hand clasped to his chest, chin lowered, he felt relief course through him, as the duo's footsteps retreated. Hikaru, he had not counted on Hikaru being there, nor did he want the other boy seeing him in such a situation.

"Touya, are you okay?" Hikaru asked, darting towards him.

"I-I'm fine," her replied, knowing very well that he wasn't. As he watched the hand against his chest tremble, he realized how not okay he was. Even more than the fear was the mortification of Hikaru seeing him in such a state, and so he tried to get rid of the other boy. "I just want to go home; you should as well. Your mother will be worried."

"I, my, WHAT?" Hikaru spluttered angrily, not being able to put his thoughts together. Here he was hoping that Akira had meant what he said in the morning, was hoping that he would be treated better. Now, another situation had arisen, and the other boy was still as cold and ungrateful as ever. "How about a 'thank you'," Hikaru muttered advancing towards the other boy, just to check on him.

"I said I was fine, Shindou," Akira replied quietly. Although his soft voice still held that authoritative edge, the dark haired boy felt his heart thump oddly, knowing very much that he felt anything but sure of himself.

"You know, you really should be more careful," Hikaru offered.

Something in Akira snapped, and he felt the biting response come to him before he could even think through it. "I'm fine on my own. Besides, what are you even doing in this part of Tokyo?"

"I just wanted to help you," Hikaru defended, voice rising in volume.

"And I told you," Akira snapped, "that I can take care of myself." God, it was times like this he really hated himself, hated his social awkwardness. What he really should have done was to thank the boy, to lean against the other boy's liveliness and strength.

"What if they had tried to take advantage of you or something?" Hikaru demanded voice loud as ever.

"That's ridiculous. I would have convinced him I was a guy, and everything would have been settled."

"Don't be so sure," Hikaru retorted darkly. "What if … what if … they had done something like this?" To demonstrate his point, he used his athletic superiority to pounce like a lion. In one fluid motion he had cornered Akira against the wall, pinning both of his hands above his head.

Gasping audibly, Akira tried to get out of Hikaru's grip, although all he managed to do was to scratch his hands against the abrasive, brick surface. "Shindou," he said, still struggling. "What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to make you aware," the other boy said, serious for once. Green eyes were earnest as he spoke. "What would you have done if they had tried to attack you? There were two of them."

Instinctively, Akira tried to step on Hikaru's foot in order to stun him before making an escape. The faster boy out-stepped him, and then moved closer so his body was almost in contact with Akira's. As Akira breathed in a heaving breath, his became aware of the fact that his sweater brushed against Hikaru's shirt.

_He's so warm,_ he thought, head leaning back against the brick. _I could almost give in…_ As he thought, he exhaled, feeling his body shudder at the nearness, heart dropping to his stomach … and even lower.

_I can't be feeling what I'm feeling,_ he tried to rationalize. But in his heart he knew it wasn't true. He had long denied recognition of his feelings for the other boy. What had started as simple rivalry had gone terribly awry to a point that he couldn't go a day without thinking about Hikaru. And still, he couldn't help but feeling as if there was something wrong with his feelings, almost as if he gave into his attraction to Hikaru that he'd be committing some kind of crime. _God, if only he was a girl, I'd … _Shaking his head, he dismissed the idea knowing very well that what he felt went beyond gender. It was Hikaru as a person, not as male or female.

"Touya," Hikaru whispered watching as the slender boy in front of him licked his lips nervously. _They're pink, and wet, and I want them,_ he thought. _I … Touya…_

Everything about the other boy was just so intoxicating, from his scent to the way he looked at the moment, very cute in his dazed state. "Touya," he repeated the name huskily moving in even closer, until Akira was pressed flat between the wall and him.

Glazed look on his face, Akira found it so hard to think and function. His legs had since turned to jelly; his stomach felt as if it were about to burst with butterflies. And when Hikaru's hips brushed against his, he thought he had lost all control. He flushed with the nearness, and all of the blood that wasn't in his cheeks seemed to have gathered below the belt. The more he tried to get it to stop, the more it seemed as if he couldn't.

"Touya," Hikaru whispered again, closing in.

_No!_ he thought, competence flowing back to him. _I'm not ready …not here … not like this._ With a sudden burst of strength, he yanked his hands down and away from Hikaru's, yelping as he felt the back of his hands being scraped raw against the rough brick texture. Hikaru, sufficiently surprised, could do nothing as Akira shoved him away, hurrying towards the exit of the alleyway.

"Shindou," he said, pausing and turning around. "I … not …" With his heart beating as if he had just run a marathon, he couldn't focus on his thoughts at all. "I'm sorry," he managed to say, before dashing off for home. As he ran, he felt that self-loathing hit him again.

_Why am I so socially retarded?_ he wondered. He wanted the other boy just as much as he wanted to take his next breath, but something had stopped him, had made him shy. Now he had blown it, and his pride wouldn't allow him to back to where he left the other boy stunned.

**Author's notes: **What did you guys think? Hehehe ... : grins :

Umm, on another note, as you can probably tell, I prefer an uke Touya. With time, he could be more aggressive. But I think he'd have a harder time coming to terms with his feelings, since I see the ever dignified, polite Akira as being further bound by ideas of social normality than Hikaru. I hope you guys can see where that comes from.


	7. Attempted Confessions

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing. Are you happy now?

**Author's notes: **Wai! I'm so glad that so many people like an uke Akira. It just seems like I've read a lot more stories/doujinshis where he's the seme.

Comments about the reviews I've gotten. (1) I wouldn't let Akira get raped (molested –maybe, raped –no), lol. (2) A "truly good piece of literature" –Wah! That's quite a compliment, one I'm not sure I deserve, but thanks! (BTW, hostilecrayon, you should post more of your story. I want to see how Hikaru punishes Waya for getting Akira drunk.)

**Chapter 7: Attempted Confessions**

Even though the lovely boy with dark hair and fair, almost translucent complexion was no longer with him, Hikaru could still feel the texture of sweater material lingering on his fingertips.

_Why?_ He asked himself, befuddled. He hadn't been wrong; he was almost certain of it. The way that Akira had looked at him with those barely focused eyes, gently flushing face, lips slightly parted spoke clearly to him. Any uncertainties had been wiped from his mind when he had taken the initiative to press his body against the other boy's lean figure, until now, that was.

"Ahhh, mou!" he cried, shaking out blond bangs, unsure if he was angry, merely confused, or more determined than ever. Biting his lower lip tentatively, he looked at Akira's spilled groceries and decided that he was determined enough to still chase after the boy tonight. Kneeling down, he began picking up the fallen food items, dusting them off, and putting them back into the plastic bag. _Ready or not,_ he thought, _here I come._

-----------------------------

By the time Akira reached his house, he found himself completely out of breath. Quickly, he took a key out of his pocket and let himself in, all but collapsing on the floor upon entry. Hurriedly, he shut the door behind him. Heart still jack hammering in his chest, he spun around leaning his back against the door. Slowly, he lowered his body sliding his back down against the door until his bottom touched the floor. He wrapped his arms around his legs and rested his forehead against his knees. Swallowing hard while gasping in breathfulls of air, he tried to calm himself.

_Was Shindou really trying to do what I think he was?_ he questioned, doubting his original assessment, in a word, doubting himself. Akira had always assumed Hikaru would end up with Akari, seeing how familiar the two of them were.

_But now …_, he thought, _now things are different. Aren't they?_ Uncertainty in himself gave away to that feeling of self-loathing that crept up every once in a while. _I had always thought that Go was enough to keep me satisfied._ In light of the new feelings that he had so long refused to acknowledge, Akira felt himself break down. The self-doubt was palpable, and the lack of control drove him crazy.

He put his hands to his head and heard his heart thump in his chest, heard the sound echo in his ears. Thumping interspersed with the rush of blood. He felt as if he were having an outer body experience. Thump! Thump! Thump! The sound became louder and louder, more and more insistent, until he realized the thumping wasn't all coming from the inside. The door against his back vibrated with the force of the knockings. Part of him wanted to ignore the sound, while the other part of him hoped that Hikaru was waiting on the other side of the door. Taking in a shaky breath, Akira managed to collect himself slightly. Face was once again calm and pale; hands were no longer trembling. Slowly, he turned the knob and allowed the door to yawn open before him.

-----------------------------

Hikaru stood in front of the Touya's house, holding the bag of forgotten groceries, feeling pretty confident in himself. _I'm going to do it,_ he thought brazenly. _Tonight I'll make him recognize me … as more than just a Go player. Tonight I'll make him realize that I'm worthy of him._

"Shindou-kun," Touya said, once the door had opened, revealing the blond haired boy with a cheerful smile on his face.

"I brought your groceries to you," Hikaru started, holding the plastic bag out as an offering. Without much more warning, he pushed his way in, past a slightly resistant Akira. "I can put these away." His voice was lively but controlled as he headed towards the kitchen.  
"I – Shindou, I can do that myself."

"What you should to is take care of those hands," Hikaru commented, opening the refrigerator. "Wash them, and then put some antibiotic on them. Where do you keep the band-aids? I'll help you." And it was really that easy. Hikaru was amazed at how flippant his attitude seemed, especially when he was feeling quite the opposite. His head was dizzy as if he wasn't getting enough oxygen to the brain, and he seemed to be desperately gasping in every breath. With each passing moment, he expected Akira to open his mouth and insist that he leave. When Hikaru saw that the other boy still had not budged from his position by the counter, Hikaru nudged him onwards, pushing him towards the sink.

"Where do you keep your first aid stuff?" Hikaru asked, turning his head to watch Akira pad towards the kitchen sink.

"Hmm?" the other boy asked, turning his head around in surprise.

_When he's caught off guard, he really is rather cute,_ Hikaru couldn't help thinking. Quickly, his eyes surveyed the dark haired boy, the slim, graceful figure, narrow hips …

"I said they were to your left, Shindou," Akira repeated again. The other boy was in some sort of daze; he could tell. Deep, murky green eyes were unfocused for the first time of the night, as he seemed to be gazing off at something much, much farther.

"Right," Hikaru replied, shaking his head, warm smile breaking over his face once more. He gathered some bandages and antibiotic, all the while keeping his eyes focused on the boy at the sink, taking in the image of a dark head bent down, silky hair falling softly on either side of a delicate face.

By the time he made his way to Akira's side, the quiet, dark haired boy was already drying his hands.

"Thank you," Akira said softly, reaching for the supplies that Hikaru had gathered. Instead of letting the boy grab the band-aids on counter, Hikaru, intercepted the reach, stopping the other boy's fingers with his own.

A small, nearly imperceptible gasp escaped Akira's lips, as his eyes searched Hikaru's face questioningly. With the pause, Hikaru took the chance to grasp Akira's fingers from underneath, turn his hand around, and smoothly press the other boy's hand against the counter.

Akira gulped hard as his pulse quickened. He took a deep, shuddering breath to try to steady himself from the sudden shock of Hikaru's aggressive actions. Although he felt as if he should move away from the boy with the reassuring smile and bleach blond bangs, power and resistance faded from his being as he watched the other boy apply ointment on the raw scratches that decorated the back of his hand. Instead, he felt warmth rush to his cheeks, as he stood rooted wordlessly in place, eyes focused on the other boy's fingers gliding over the top of his hand. Hikaru's touch was light and soft like a gentle caress of a rose petal. Unable to help himself, Akira sucked in a loud breath, transfixed as the boy smoothed a band-aid over the worst of the wounds before moving onto the next hand. Amazed, Akira watched as his rival counterpart took the liberty to grab his hand and set it on the counter before repeating the whole process over again.

"S-shindou?" Akira managed to utter. The tone in his voice indicated the insecurity that he was feeling, and he tried to look the other boy in the face, tried to read his eyes to no avail.

"I'm used to doing this," the other boy offered as a sort of explanation. "Akari used to get hurt all of the time following me around when we were little." Blond bangs hung in his face as his head was tilted downward while he worked gently.

Shaking his head, Akira realized how shocking the whole experience was, since he had never pegged Hikaru to have softness of any sort to him at all. But the feather-light touches of his fingers could not be mistaken for anything else but gentleness of the tenderest kind. A small noise escaped his throat, as he felt it close up rendering his voice useless.

"There," Hikaru said, pressed one final band aid on his rival's hand. With that, he looked up, shaking his hair out of his eyes, a crooked smile on his lips. The shy, speechless Akira in front of him was beyond adorable. He wondered what he would have to do to forever keep that faint flush on the other boy's normally milky-pale skin. His smile only widened as he looked into green eyes that gazed at him with stupefied wonder rather than with the customary passionate determination.

Hikaru realized that it was time, and nobody was more impatient than he. Taking a deep breath to calm his jangled nerves, he prepared himself to say something that was long delayed in its delivery.

"Touya," he began. Although he thought he was confident, his voice betrayed him, wavering as he called the other boy's name. He sucked in a breath, and another, and then another, feeling his heart beat wildly out of control. "I …"

_Damn_. He had thought through this event over and over in his mind before, rehearsing different things that he should say. Now none of his plans were coming to him, and all he could do was to dumbly stumble along his way, grasping for the right words. Eyes focused on Akira's face, he saw his rival's mouth open, as if he wanted to say something. Hikaru found himself shaking his head to indicate that it wasn't a favorable idea. Reaching out a hand, he grabbed Akira's right arm, which was resting conveniently on the counter. With a big gulp, Hikaru stepped even closer to the other boy, encouraged when the other boy did nothing to resist the advance. His deep green eyes met the brilliant flash of emerald colored ones. Hikaru could feel it, could feel Akira straitening his posture slightly, putting their bodies even closer to each other.

_Here goes nothing,_ Hikaru thought, abandoning the words that refused to come to him anyways. Closing his eyes, he lifted his face closer to the other boy's. When he felt the tickle of a puff of breath against his face, he knew that his lips hovered near Akira's. Tentative lips hesitated momentarily before Hikaru found himself giving into his desire. With that, he pressed his mouth onto Akira's finding the flesh to be deliciously soft and yielding …

**Author's notes: **I think this is the point that I realized I have no plot. It's just an excuse for fluffy, yet dramatic shounen ai. Trying to make a story when all I had was one scene in my head has been a challenge. Seriously, I was motivated to write this after seeing fanart with Akira and Hikaru at a fast food restaurant together. Akira was holding a burger … and I thought, _I can't imagine him eating a burger … he'd want to set it down and cut it up and eat it with a knife and fork cuz it's so messy._

I hope everyone is still enjoying my best attempts... at making a story/plot. : sweatdrop : Remember to drop reviews if you feel so inclined; I appreciate them.


	8. Actions and Interruptions

**Disclaimer: **I can't think of something cute or witty to say. So, yeah, standard "it's not mine" stuff.

**Author's notes:** This'll the most sexually explicit chapter and is therefore dedicated to my good friend Ashie (just kissy scene – no sex – but maybe in the next one …), who reads my stuff despite not having watched the anime. She has always provided much appreciated encouragement and has challenged me to step out of my writing "comfort zone." (She refused to review my last ff until I wrote in a sex scene, incidentally my first one. It was difficult, but I love my reviews, lol. Anyways, I have since decided to dedicate my "dirtiest" chapter in each ff I write to her. :p)

**Chapter 8: Actions and Interruptions**

The moment that Hikaru's lips touched his, Akira felt a jolt run through him. The kiss was expected; the feeling wasn't. It was as if he had had the wind knocked out of him, except the feeling was pleasant, more than pleasant. Shortness of breath enhanced the sensation of soaring that slowly spread throughout his body. The tips of his appendages tingled with the excitement of this delightfully foreign touch as Hikaru's mouth fed hungrily off of his. Hikaru's lips moved against his own demanding a response that Akira was more than happy to give. When a slick tongue moved its way between his lips, he was vaguely aware that he responded with a small noise of surprise.

_Yes,_ was the only word that echoed through Hikaru's mind, as an adventurous hand found itself settled on Akira's hip, fingers digging slightly into the thin, khaki cloth. The other boy was responding better than he imagined, and so he took the opportunity to slide his tongue over Akira's, pleased when he felt the dark haired boy's hand clamp over his shoulder, hanging on as if he would fall over otherwise.

_I'm no good,_ Akira thought feeling his knees weaken as he continually became aware of exactly what was happening: lips against lips, tongues teasing each other, bodies pressed together. And now he was relying on the other boy to help him keep his balance as the other boy's hand was straying from its position on his hip. So, he broke from the kiss, turning his head to the side, almost shyly.

"Shindou," he gasped once he had caught his breath. "What are we –" But Akira never got to finish his question, as Hikaru was nowhere near satisfied.

Being denied Akira's lips, Hikaru just moved elsewhere. If he followed the delicate jaw line, he realized that it would soon meet with the beautiful white flesh of Akira's neck. So he kissed slowly, gently at first, only brushing his lips against soft, powder-fine skin. As he moved, his kisses became harder, more planted and purposeful, tongue leaving a trail of salvia from the base of Akira's neck to his collarbone.

"Un." Akira found the sound escaping his lips before he could stop it. "Shin-mmm." Biting his lip, he found himself throwing his head back, eyes shutting so he could focus on the burning sensation that was taking over, making him feel as if his whole body were plunged into a sudden fever.

Even while he worked, Hikaru was very much aware of how Akira was reacting to his touches. The quiet sounds of pleasure egged him on, and his lips tugged into a triumphant smile as he nuzzled against Akira's throat, matching taste to a familiar scent.

Quite caught up in the moment, Akira almost missed the sound of keys being inserted to the front door, almost missed the sound of the turning knob and of luggage dropping against the tile floor.

"Mom … Dad?" he whispered hoarsely, feeling horror spread across his face, panic overwhelming all of his senses. Suddenly, his heart was beating much quicker than its already accelerated pace. Frantically, he pushed against Hikaru's shoulders separating himself from the other boy. Shock and disappointment shone clearly blonde's eyes as eyebrows furrowed as if trying to figure out what had just happened. Hand on his heart, Akira felt the rate slow a little when he discovered that his parents were still at the front door around the corner. He and Hikaru were safe.

_Safe?_ he thought. _Safe from what?_ And why did he feel as if he needed to hide? Before he could ponder those questions, he heard familiar footsteps coming towards the kitchen, loud, imposing ones followed by a light shuffle.

"Akira-san?" His mother called.

"I'm in the kitchen, mom" he replied.

"Akira," his father greeted him upon visual contact. His voice, like always had that rumbling, powerful quality. Then those eyes darted to the side noticing that his son wasn't alone. "Shindou-kun."

"T-touya-sensei," Hikaru greeted hastily, bowing his head.

The weighty gaze of Touya Kouyo looked from Hikaru to Akira, then back to Hikaru. Even though he looked at the boy with blonde hair, he addressed his son. "Akira, you look a little flushed. Are you sick?"

With the assessment, Akira felt his face redden even more. He wasn't used to hiding things from his parents. "I-I …"

"Yeah!" Hikaru spoke up. "I came over to help him, because he has a fever."

"I see," the former Meijin acknowledged. Eyes lingered on Hikaru for a moment longer, as if he was able to see deeper into the situation, and then he switched his gaze to his son. "Akira, your mother is not feeling well. That's why we cut our trip one day short. I'm going to take her upstairs. You, take care of yourself." With that, he escorted his wife upstairs without another word. Even as the couple retreated into the dark hallway, whispering between them could be heard.

Letting out a deep breath, Akira felt as if some normality was finally returning.

"Touya!" Hikaru's sharp and insistent voice cut through his brief relief.

"Yes?" he asked.

"You **really** suck at lying."

"I don't think the ability to lie to one's parents is something to be proud of," Akira hissed back. "What if they had seen us?"  
"So what?" Hikaru asked, olive green eyes flashing defiantly.

Akira tilted his head, caught off guard. "I …" He found that no response was readily coming to him.

"I think we should talk in your room, Touya." Anger coursing through Hikaru's viens, he averted his eyes, refusing to look at the dark haired boy.

"Alright," Akira whispered. "Let's go." He took the initiative to lead the other boy up the stairs and to his room, knowing very well that Hikaru was not happy with him. On his way up, he thought hard, trying to come up with a reason on why he felt it appropriate for them to hide the feelings that embodied them both.

**Author's Notes:** FIVE days in between this update and the last one. I'm in a generous mood (that and I'm being pressured by friends who are reading this ff). A rather unremarkable chapter except for the make-out scene, but they can't all be cliffhangers. Starting now, a little thing called the GRE will be taking over my life. Be patient; this story will be finished, so keep the encouragements coming!

Disturbing but true: Akira's mom actually addresses him as "san." I found it quite odd that she used that particular name suffix. 0.o This isn't normal is it? I really don't know.

-Revised- with the helpful comments of hostilecrayon. (Thanks!) I knew something didn't sound quite right with that phrase. LOL. I could have said "breathlessness" as well, but I wasn't smart enough to think of that while getting im's saying "post your next chapter."


	9. Reservations for One

**- Revised -** I think I've picked up a beta. Sort of, unofficially. Thanks letting me know where I've goofed, hostilecrayon.

**Disclaimer: **None of the characters are mine. I'm just borrowing them to torture them for the enjoyment purposes of myself and other fangirls out there.

**Author's Notes: **I got a review saying that someone had trouble reading ch 8. Were you able to read it eventually (cuz I dun kno wut's wrong)? Did anyone else have trouble? If so, please email me, and I'll be glad to send you the chapter. I'm just happy that people think my brain's creation is good enough to read (not just people who know and love me, thus are obliged to read, although I do appreciate that too). : silly grin :

**Chapter 9: Reservations … for One**

Once in his room, Akira turned on the lights and took a seat in the middle of his tatami mat, offering Hikaru the chair at his desk. The boy with blonde fringes angrily pulled the chair out, feelings of irritation making his movements rough and jerky. Although he faced Akira, his eyes refused to meet his rival's.

"Shindou, what's wrong?" Akira asked, knowing the other boy would not say anything until he asked.

There was no answer, and Akira was left staring at the top of Hikaru's head, which was bent over, looking down towards the floor.

"Shindou," Akira repeated again, more firmly.

Finally, he saw the blonde head stir. "I don't understand you, Touya." The voice that came from the usually energetic boy was oddly distant and sad.

A long pause ensued when Akira realized he didn't know what the correct response was. Hesitantly, he spoke. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't you feel the same way I do?" Hikaru finally cried. Suddenly, his head snapped up revealing focused eyes, deep green with passion.

_His Go eyes,_ Akira noticed, surprised. _They're as intense as when we play Go._ "I …" His face reddened at the memory of what had happened in the kitchen. Perhaps this was the new color his face was meant to be.

"You do!" Hikaru insisted. "You do, or else you would have never let me … be like that with you." The end of his sentence dropped off as if he suddenly grew shy.

"If you already knew, then why did you have to ask?"

"Don't be insensitive."

"Insensitive?" Akira cried, voice rising, picking up steam at the insult. "How am I insensitive?"

"You just are," Hikaru shot back childishly, and a full fledged argument had begun. Although this one was not based off of a Go game, it was just as immature as those shouting matches their post game discussions always degenerated into.

"Am not!" Akira insisted heatedly.

"Are TOO!" Hikaru argued.

"Well, then you're a mindless idiot," Akira accused.

"Idiot?" Hikaru all but shrieked. Somehow, Hikaru found himself out of his original seat and directly in Akira's face, although he was unaware of actually moving. Instead of keeping up with argument, Hikaru thought better of the situation. Lightly, he grasped the other boy's shoulders, pushed him down, and followed suit with the falling flow. "Who's the idiot now?" he asked on his hands and knees above the other boy, a smug smile curving his lips.

"What are you doing?" Akira asked. "My parents are in the next room and – mmmmmph!"

Indignant, muffled sounds rose from Akira, but Hikaru's lips prevented them from being intelligible. "You want me, too," he whispered, in between kisses.

_Yes,_ Akira thought, confirming an earlier thought process. _Tomato red is the new color of my face, and I bet it's permanent,too._

"Say it!" Hikaru requested, breaking off the kiss.

"You've already assessed the situation," Akira replied, voice thick. He licked his lips, which were swollen and red from the pressure that had been put on them.

"Why can't you tell me?" Hikaru asked. "Why can't you tell me that I'm worth something to you?" He closed his eyes for a brief moment before opening them again. Pain, the raw emotion shone in his bright eyes. From his position on all fours above Akira, his fingers dug into Akira's shoulders causing the other boy to gasp. "Why can't you tell me?" he asked again, shaking the slim shoulders that stayed in his grasp.

The broken look on Hikaru's face caused Akira to relent a bit, giving up some of that emotionless persona he was so used to having. "You know you are," he answered.

"Then say it to me," Hikaru requested.

"Why do you need to hear it, if you already know?" Akira asked softly.

"I just need you to say it!" Hikaru cried, hands gripping Akira's shoulders until knuckles became white with the pressure.

Akira thought that he had already reached his state of maximum redness, but yet, again he was proved wrong. "It's embarrassing," he said, turning away. Even though his eyes weren't on Hikaru's, he noticed the desperation in those green eyes that searched his face in need of acceptance and validation. Akira only bit his lower lip, unresponsive to Hikaru's pleading face.

"Embarrassing?" Hikaru asked, unbelieving. "I don't understand!"

"We're both guys," Akira shot back. "How can you not understand what other people will think?"

"Other people, other people?" Angrily, he shook his head, eyes narrowing in on Akira's face. "I don't care about other people. All I care is what I think and what you think. And in this case we agree." All he wanted to do was to shake the boy he had trapped beneath him until he got response that he wanted, that he needed.

"Society isn't as carefree as you're trying to make it, Shindou," Akira attempted to explain. "There are rules and boundaries for things like this. How would you like it if your parents, Akari, or your other Go friends found out?"

Hikaru found himself speaking the answer he knew that was deep in his heart. "I wouldn't care! When you have someone you care about, you don't let go. Never again will I let …" His sentence drained into a barely stifled sob.

_Sai,_ he couldn't help but thinking. _I miss you. I have missed you, and there hasn't been a day that I don't regret not cherishing your company more when I had the chance. I'm sorry. So sorry, Sai. I've learned from you that I never want to let anyone else important get away._

"You're the one that's hard to understand," Akira whispered, reaching up and touching Hikaru's face, feeling warm wetness slide slickly down his fingertips. "Why are you like this? Sometimes you're so carefree. Other times it's like you've been through terrible ordeals that you think no one will ever be able to understand." His last statements were more like comments rather than anything that required a response.

Hikaru flinched from Akira's soft touch, sitting back on his heels, finally letting the dominant grip on his rival slip away. For a moment, he just felt completely lost, eyes growing dim, forlorn, glazed over in thought. Memories rushed over him, some of which were more than four years old. Akira's chase after Sai with those eyes; never had Hikaru seen such passionate, focused eyes in his life, especially from someone who was his own age. Spurred on, he had begun his own frantic race to catch up to those eyes, to be something that they would recognize. He had come so far, but still fell short. Frustrated, hands clenched into tight fists with short nails biting into the flesh of his palms, carving four delicate crescent moons in their wake.

"I like you, Touya." Hikaru said simply. "I wouldn't mind telling anyone." With that, his attention focused back on his dark haired counterpart, who had sat up to face him.

Heart beating quickly, Akira knew what he needed to say, but so many other faces flashed in his mind. At the end, his father's eyes bored into him.

_I like you, Hikaru,_ he thought trembling slightly, knowing very well the depth of his desire. _But, what would my parents think? What would everyone think?_ Even as he opened his mouth, he found that no words would come. He couldn't understand why he was so hesitant, so reluctant to admit that Hikaru was very special to him. He just couldn't do it, because the moment he admitted that he needed someone was the moment that someone could hurt him. Years of intentional isolation had kept him from that possibility. And he just couldn't quite bring himself to say the words. All he felt was pressure from all around, drumming harshly against his shoulders, making him feel as if he were impossibly heavy: parents, the Go world, himself, and now Hikaru.

"I get it," Hikaru finally said when no words came from Akira's mouth. "You're ashamed of your feelings for me." The look on his face was absolutely crestfallen. He pushed trembling lips into a fine line to keep them as still as possible. _What the hell was I expecting from Touya?_ he ranted to himself. _Go is all he cares about. I was a fool to think that for just one moment … for just one moment…I could be included._

The tears were once again coming, and he wasn't sure if he could stop them. Shaking hair into his eyes to cover his dejection, he managed a brave smile. "I have to go," he said in the most collected voice he could muster.

"No!" Akira cried, as he saw Hikaru retreat from his room. His back was getting smaller and smaller with each step. "I … I –"

"Don't bother contacting me until you've decided what you want," Hikaru interrupted. Although his voice was soft, the words and tone were powerful enough to cut through Akira's unorganized thoughts. Wordlessly, he shut the door quietly behind him, leaving Akira submerged in a turmoil of clashing desires that left him feeling more lost and confused than he had ever been in his life.

**Author's notes: **Yay! Something happened in this chapter. I may be a tad bit too preoccupied with things happening in every chapter. Is my story too predictable? Umm, probably, lol. Hopefully it's an **enjoyable** predictability. Yeah, review, and all that good junk.

Oh and to clarify, chapter 6 the most fun chapter to write up to that point, but it wasn't the most fun chapter to write overall. That award goes to chapter 10. : smiles innocently : Look forward to it.


	10. Without Him

**Disclaimer: **The amount I own of Hikago is none. Don't sue; I'm a poor college student. Wait until I invent a practical fuel cell (which would be **awesome** if I could), then sue; at least then I'll have money. J/K. NO SUING.

**Author's notes:** Thanks for all the reviews, everyone: chu : Reviews make the world go around. Well, maybe not … but I like them. On another note, I will try to be more careful, while proofreading this chapter. I must be getting sloppy in my old age. Now… let's GO!

**Chapter 10: Without Him**

Akira placed a stone on the goban after merely glancing down at the game. It was a pro-game, but his opponent was a lower dan. By the way that he was acting, Akira could tell that the other boy was frightened. The way that the he bit his lower lip nervously, shooting apprehensive looks at Akira between every move signified that fact more than clearly.

_I'm not even **trying**_. Akira wanted to scream his thought out loud, but knew he would never do anything as undignified as that. Instead, he waited for the next move to come, wondering why he felt as if something were missing. It was only moments later that Akira got the resignation he was expecting. Politely, he thanked his opponent for the game, even though inside he felt as if he had nothing to be thankful for.

_Why do I feel so empty?_ he asked himself as he walked outside after marking his victory. Even though the day was proceeding as always, he felt like the world as he knew it had slipped away. Something was amiss, but he couldn't quite put his finger on what. Inside he ached, unable to stop the uncomfortable feeling from gnawing at his stomach.

_Can't anybody challenge me? Where's my drive, my motivation?_ As soon as those thoughts filled his head, he felt as if he were being ridiculous. Everything was the same as before; all he had to do was to follow his father's footsteps, to keep moving forward. Even as he rationalized, that empty nagging in the pit of his stomach, undeniably caused by ennui (1), ate away at him leaving him feeling hollow and unaccomplished. He felt as if nothing were waiting for him, as if nothing had meaning anymore. Frustrated, he kept on walking, passing up the bus ride straight home in order to gather his thoughts. _Why? _he thought. _What am I missing? Why do I feel like I'm not quite whole?_

His mid-afternoon stroll became late afternoon wandering, which happened to take him past a park with a pathway and expansive fields on either side. Something caught his attention: raven hair with bleached bangs. The boy was kicking around a soccer ball, laughing.

Suddenly, memories that had been blocked for some reason rushed back to him like a torrential downpour. So many memories flooded over him, smothering him as if he were drowning. His first game with Hikaru, the draw he felt from the game. Their second game made him more determined than ever to best the first rival he had ever had. He recalled Hikaru's rise to the pros, his eyes meeting Akira's for the first time as equals. Their strange friendship that had seemed merely like petty arguing, but really was so much more. At least to Akira it had meant so much more. It had meant a companion who was his age that could understand his love for Go, and perhaps a person his age that could finally understand him. That strange friendship had become a deeper bond and was developing into something else entirely.

_Why had I forgotten? How could I have forgotten?_ Of course, this was what was missing, Shindou at his pro game. All at once, he felt silly, thinking how odd it was that something as important as Hikaru's presence could have slipped his mind for even a second. Now, he was dying to see the other boy, being drawn by his warm presence and easy laughter. A smile spread across Akira's face as he quickened his pace to catch up with Hikaru, who was now walking back to a bench, ball tucked under his arm. Waiting for him, seated on that bench, sat a familiar girl with dark chestnut colored hair and a cheerful smile.

_Fujisaki-san,_ he reminded himself. _One of Hikaru's childhood friends._

"Shindou!" he called, closing the gap. "Shindou, where were you today? Do you want to play a game now?"

The boy with the soccer ball paused and turned around. The green eyes that looked at him were quizzical.

_Perhaps he doesn't want to see me yet,_ Akira thought grimly, remembering what had happened last night. Had it only been last night? But, now he knew what he wanted. He knew, so everything would be fine. Things would return to normal, better than normal.

"Who are you?" Hikaru asked, tilting his head. "Akari, do I know him?"

Akari bit her lip, taking a sloe-eyed glance at Hikaru. "Umm."

"Normally I'd love to play anybody," Hikaru said cheerfully without waiting for a response. He bounced the ball on the ground. "But I'm not going to miss dinner just to play soccer." He flashed a brilliant smile and held his fingers in the shape of a "V."

"S-soccer!" Akira cried, outraged. "I'm not talking about **soccer**. I mean Go, like we always play!"

"You mean that old person's game?" Hikaru asked, waving his hand dismissively. "I don't even know how to play."

"Don't be ridiculous!" Akira countered. "You've been playing me every day for the past year. Many, many games. Shindou, are you saying that it has meant nothing?" Inside, he acknowledged that Hikaru had a right to be mad about how he handled things yesterday, but this was ridiculous. Angrily, his hands balled into tight fists that shook in their position at his sides. Biting his lip, he forced his eyes from letting frustrated, hurt tears surface.

"This guy is really weird, Akari," Hikaru commented carelessly. "And I don't even know who he is. Let's head home before we get in trouble."

"Go on, Hikaru," the girl said, voice soft, almost tentative.

"Tch," the blonde banged boy said, shaking his head. "Don't expect any sympathy from me if you get in trouble for getting home late." With that, he walked to the path not bothering to look back.

"Touya-san, was it?" Akari asked.

Akira barely heeded her question with a nod, before he asked his own. "Fujisaki-san, what's wrong with Shindou?" Even as he talked, he walked over to the girl who stood rooted at her position by the park bench.

"There was an accident," she said in a hushed voice. "His mom wasn't very clear about all of the details. Physically, he wasn't hurt too badly, but it seems that he's lost all of his memories from the past four years. I'm sorry."

Akira felt as if someone had poured a bucket of ice over his head. His stomach churned with the statement, and he thought for a moment he couldn't breathe. The world around him began to spin, as his mind first clicked to denial. "This can't happen, impossible!" he cried, shaking his head, feeling silky hair swish whip-like against his face. _No, no, not Shindou. _

"But just yesterday … he was, and we …" Shock held his tongue hostage as he felt something inside of him shatter. Those games, those thought provoking, truly inspiring games, he may never have them again. And the precious games they had shared were now lost to the other party, perhaps forever.

"Will he ever remember?" he asked, unable to keep his voice from shaking. Heatedly, he grabbed Akari's shoulders, shaking the surprised girl. "How can I make him remember?" Green eyes burned with fury, with hurt, as they bored into the blameless girl.

"I –Touya-san, I don't know. The doctor said he may never get them back."

"But his Go. I love his Go." _I love him. _The last sentence was unspoken, but the intent hung in the air.

With a sad, tremulous smile, she said, "It's a pity you couldn't have told him that when it would have meant something to him. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to head home."

"Fujisaki-san! Fujisaki-san!" Akira cried frantically after her. "What do you mean? What would it have meant?"

The girl turned around to face the other boy once more. "Oh, Touya-san. You know it would have meant the world to him. You're not dumb enough not to realize what you were worth to Hikaru." With that, she turned around again and hurried down the path that Hikaru had taken only moments earlier.

Akira could only stare at her retreating back, shock and the feeling of overwhelming loss holding both his tongue and body captive.

**Author's notes:** Did everyone enjoy: blinks innocently : … So now is the time that I say that I'm going on vacation for a couple of weeks and won't be able to access the internet, right? … I'm kidding. :p You know where to leave comments, constructive criticism, and encouragements.

(1) GRE voc word for the chapter. It's helping me study! Please bear with me as I prepare for grad school. **ennui: dissatisfaction and restlessness resulting from boredom or apathy** (taken from the Princeton Review book)


	11. Without Him Part II

**Disclaimer: **Not mine. I'm not going to even pretend.

**Author's notes: **I think I've done something awful … : apologizes ahead of time and hides :

**Chapter 11: Without Him – Part II**

With the coming of dusk, the park emptied quickly, becoming abandoned, and Akira found himself seated at one of the benches, staring at the black, shiny leather that encased his feet. The wind whipped hair into his face, and as he reflexively brushed a hand across his face, he was surprised to feel a streak of wetness on his cheek. Tears. He hadn't even realized that he was crying, although he wasn't the least bit surprised. That empty feeling had returned, but it was worse than it had been that morning. Instead of not know what he was missing, he knew exactly what had slipped away from him. Every last nerve was very much aware of the aching sensation of loss. He felt as if he wanted to throw up, and even though the retching came, his stomach offered no food to fulfill the action. Again, he was left to his own lonely misery.

_I never understood you until now,_ Akira thought regretfully. _Shindou, I'm so sorry. Your passion, your sadness._ It was silly now, but he felt as if he really understood the other boy so much better now. But what was his understanding worth now? Now that it was too late. His face twisted with sorrow as his thoughts returned to the previous night's conversation.

_"When you have someone you care about, you don't let go. Never again will I let …"_ Hikaru had stopped there. Although Akira knew very well at the time how the sentence ended, he felt as if he understood the sentiment behind the words for the first time. In fact, Hikaru's sadness was making much more sense, and it pained and frustrated him that he never really understood the other boy until this point.

_It's too late now; I'm too late._ With that, he buried his face in his hand and collected his own bitter tears. For the first time, he felt as if he could fill all of the blanks in Hikaru's statements. In the past year, on more than one occasion, the blonde banged boy would be smiling; that smile would then drop off of his face, and his eyes would fill with wisdom and sadness. He would often start saying something, but would always trail off in the middle. Akira recalled one such instance.

_"I was afraid you had di…" _Hikaru had once said. _The word,_ Akira realized, _it's disappeared._ Hikaru's fear had now become Akira's reality. _Don't disappear on me, Shindou,_ he thought, shaking his head as if it would change the fact of the matter.

"Don't disappear. Don't leave me by myself," he whispered, shutting his eyes painfully. With a firm resolve, he wiped his eyes, forbidding any more tears from falling. But when he opened his eyes once more, he was very aware of falling sakura blossoms and another figure, an odd presence, really. A beautiful young man with a long, flowing deep purple mane tied loosely in the back stood in front of him. His calm blue eyes were arresting and his smile gentle. The long flowing robes customary of the Heian covered him from head to toe, and the tall hat made him even more imposing.

"Who are you?" Akira asked, knowing very well that what he was seeing didn't make sense. Still, he was captivated by this presence that exuded a calm kindness about him. The smile spread a bit more, while a sympathetic light shone in his blue eyes. He motioned with a hand, wordlessly, and for some reason, Akira found himself following the seemingly mute figure.

"I'm going to show you something," the other person said. The voice matched him perfectly, conveying the same sort of reassurance as his presence.

Although Akira heard these words, he realized that the purple-haired beauty did not actually speak. He just stood, gliding along at a quick pace that same smile on his face.

As they walked, Akira begun to realize that he no longer knew where they were. He had no idea when the park had disappeared and had been replaced by a tunnel of some sort. All he could see was a fuzzy picture at the end that was coming into focus, slowly but surely. So, Akira kept on walking, following the other man, who seemed to know what was going on. When purple haired man in front of him stopped and held arms out to either side, he knew it was time to stop. He could now make out the picture, a scene, really, playing out in front of his eyes.

It was Hikaru, a Hikaru that Akira had never seen before. He was riffling through something, old kifu books, hands moving desperately, eyes searching for something.

_Are those Shuusaku's?_ Akira wondered, curiosity piqued. Something told him his intuition was dead on.

"Where did you go?" the Hikaru in the image cried in a tortured voice. "SAAAAAAAAAAAI. Why'd you disappear? You wanted to play forever. I should have let you play." Akira could see tears well out of his rival's eyes, making messy splashes as he shook his head forcefully, as if trying to erase the truth of his situation.

Dumbfounded, Akira could only gape as he watched this Hikaru continue his rant in that same agonizing tone. "I didn't realize until now what a genius you were. I wasn't even good enough to notice! I'm **no good** without you. All of the games, I'll let you play them all, if only … Sai! Come back, SAAAAI!" Once again, tears of a crushed boy welled up in Hikaru's eyes, as he sobbed noisily, rubbing at a runny nose with the sleeve of his shirt.

Akira thought his heart stopped. Never had he felt such anguish before, and coming from Hikaru, the Hikaru that only showed him his good natured, lively side. Akira had to admit that this possibility crossed his mind before, but common sense had ruled it out. In order to confirm his theory, he decided to test it out for the unnamed companion that stood with him.

"So, Shindou was Sai. Or, no, rather Sai was a part of Shindou, living inside of him." He looked at the purple haired man for hints. "And you," he whispered. "You're Sai. The Hikaru I chased before the real Hikaru chased me."

The other man kept the same smile on his face, only tilting his head slightly to the left. But somehow that was the reassurance that Akira needed.

"It was because of you that I found him. And I thank you for that." The words were slowly coming from Akira, as if he wanted to be extra careful that he got everything absolutely correct.

Sai blinked in response, smile softening a bit at the edges, as if encouraging him to finish his thoughts.

"But it's Shindou now. My Go flows because of him. He's the one I need to be around." And it was the first time that Akira admitted aloud that he needed Hikaru. Once he said it, he knew the absolute truth to his words. _Need. I need him._

Sai nodded his head ever so slightly, that same placating smile on his face. And again, Akira was hearing a voice in his head, even though he never saw Sai's lips move.

"Hikaru will tell you everything when he's ready. But you needed to see the truth, or at least part of it, now. Now, Touya-kun, wake up … wake up."

-----------------------------

Akira bolted upright from his tatami, shocked out of sleep. His breath was ragged, and his heart was beating as quickly as the wings of a caged bird that wanted desperately to escape. Cold sweat drenched his entire body as he wrapped his arms around himself to return warmth to himself. His face felt stiff, and he realized that salt residue had been left behind by the tears he had shed in his sleep. Quickly, he looked at his clock. It was 8 a.m., and he needed to reach Hikaru without delay. He walked over to his desk and opened his cell phone. Hikaru's number was one of the only ones in it, and so he let speed dial take care of the rest.

**Author's notes: **Dun hurt me. Chapters 10 and 11 were originally one chapter, but **someone, **you know who you are, convinced me that it'd be fun to split it up.

I was surprised that many ppl seemedreceptive to amnesia-Hikaru. I feel like I've let you all down, so I'm going to attempt to reason some things. I had planned on using a dream sequence the whole time and thought subtleties indicated that happenings were a bit … amiss. For example, if Hikaru had been in an accident, he'd most likely still be in the hospital the next day. Additionally, if Akira were in his right mind, he would have never forgotten Hikaru in the beginning. If chapter 10 had been real, there would have been some logical fallacies (which were probably overlooked due to the emotional quality of the chapter).

That being said, I have been entertaining the idea of what would happen if Hikaru really lost his memory (thanks to a challenge given by a friend who told me this chapter was a cop-out). Let's just say it's a work in progress. I hope I can pull it off, and I hope you guys'll read it when/if I get if off the ground. It'll the 3rd in the series of HikaAki ffs I'm attempting to do.


	12. A Little Understanding

**Disclaimer:** Do I really need to write these anymore? Everyone already knows who these characters belong to, and it isn't me.

**Author's Notes:** I'm going home! Home: the land of dialup on my parent's crappy computer. I'm also taking that dreaded GRE test (I'm really showing my age -.-; ). Then I'll have to see about getting internet for my new apartment when I get back to school. For those reasons, I won't be able to update as quickly as I have been. I hope everyone enjoys the chapter! You know where to leave comments for me to come back to.

**Chapter 12: A Little Understanding**

"SAI!" Hikaru cried happily at the sight of his purple haired companion. It was times like this he could tell he was dreaming. Seeing Sai was a definite sign. Like always, the dream begun in a field filled with grasses and reeds, but the original, picturesque scenery would fade into something else. Hikaru knew.

"Where are you going to take me today?" Hikaru asked, catching up with his much missed friend.

Sai just smiled.

Hikaru knew that he wouldn't say anything out loud. He never did. But Hikaru found that he always seemed to know the message Sai wanted to convey, regardless.

"Sai?" Hikaru asked again, when his friend kept on walking. Around him, the original background faded into blacks and then muted into dull grays of walls inside of a building. A scene took form in front of Hikaru, and he recognized a familiar looking little boy with a silky cap of chin length hair and bright, inquisitive, green eyes. It was clearly Akira at a much younger age; he couldn't have been older than five at this point.

"You know I've been fighting with Touya," Hikaru muttered sourly, mood plummeting. But still, he found that he couldn't keep his spirits down, watching the little boy standing at his father's side clutching his father's hand.

_Damn, Touya Meijin's been wearing that same getup for a LOOONG time,_ he couldn't help but thinking before his attention turned back to the little boy. Hair bounced back and forth as the little boy bobbed his head from left to right humming a tune softly to himself.

_That's classical music,_ Hikaru realized, horrified at the aberration. But, still, young Akira looked contented, a smile spreading across plump cheeks, eyes twinkling merrily as he continued humming quietly. As always, he was dressed formally, more so than the sweaters and button ups that he preferred now. But, somehow, little Akira looked completely comfortable in his suit with the shorts and knee socks, wide-eyed and seemingly carefree.

Hikaru's mouth dropped opened, gaping at the sight. _He's … adorable,_ he couldn't help but thinking. This precious image of Akira that only existed in the past would have to be etched into his mind. Shaking his head, part of him wanted to laugh at this Akira, so different from the young man he had become. Hikaru found Akira quite striking when he was focused and serious, drawn to his drive and motivation like nothing else. He found the flustered Akria that he normally argued with cute and slightly naïve. But this Akira he was seeing in front of him was absolutely one of the most adorable things he had seen in his life.

"Touya's quite different," Hikaru commented. He would have said more, but the teacher that was standing in the hallway with the Touyas had begun to talk.

"How is he in that Go class?" the teacher asked Kouyo.

"At the top," Akira's father replied lowly, casting a slight watchful eye to his son. "He has been for a while."

"Then he has a talent for that as well," the teacher said shaking his head. In his hand, he held papers, papers that were being wrinkled by the force of his grip.

"Not talent," Kouyo corrected, eyes focused on a little Akira who never once stopped humming his tune. "Hard work. Nothing is achieved without hard work and perseverance." He softened slightly. "Plus Akira loves the game."

Little Akira stopped humming. "Un!" he uttered in agreement nodding his head for emphasis, smile broadening at the mention of the game that gave him cherished time with his father. "I love it!" (1)

"Yes. Yes," the teacher mumbled. "But look." At this point he shoved the paper in Kouyo's face. "You can't deny this. Look at these numbers. These are his standardized tests. We gave him an IQ test as well. Look at how high they are!"

Akira's father calmly took the papers in his hands, eyes running across the numbers. "Akira," he said, voice booming.

"Yes, father," the little boy answered looking up and blinking large eyes.

"Stay here for a moment, son."

"Yes father," the boy answered automatically, straightening his posture as his father and his teacher disappeared into the room they were right outside of.

Even though they had disappeared into another room, Hikaru could still hear them talking about Akira, and he knew that little Akira could hear them clearly as well.

The bright smile drooped a little bit at the corners of his mouth and the light in his eyes dimmed slightly.

"Your boy is gifted," the teacher said. "Can't you see?"

Hikaru couldn't hear the Meijin's reply, the voice was too low, and he conjectured that Akira could not hear him either.

"Aren't you proud?" the teacher was asking, his voice rising sharply.

More mumbling ensued, and soon Hikaru heard approaching footsteps, loud and angry sounding.

"Akira, let's go!" Kouyo was saying even before he exited the room.

With that, Akira widened his sweet smile once more and rushed to meet his father at the door.

_Oh my God,_ Hikaru thought beyond shock. _Did I just see him dimple? Damn, I should get him to smile more._

Although the amiable child looked as if his surroundings were the last thing on his mind, the opposite was very much the truth. The seemingly oblivious child had heard enough, enough to get his mind working, enough to keep the original happy sparkle from reaching his eyes even as he smiled through his disappointment. For some reason, Hikaru was very much aware of the private thoughts of little Akira and was shocked at the conclusion that he had drawn from the parent teacher meeting.

_Father's not proud of me. I must work even harder to earn his approval._

"Sai!" Hikaru gasped, appalled. "That's ridiculous. Everyone can see the pride that Touya Meijin has in his son."

Sai merely shrugged, and Hikaru voiced the ghost's thoughts. "Except for Touya himself." His voice was hushed and thoughtful.

As Akira walked away with his father, Kouyo's figure began to fade, and Akira began to age slowly. Other memories flooded into Hikaru's head, unknown memories that were completely necessary for understanding the other boy. It seemed as if little Akira's presence was often overlooked, but the bright boy heard everything and took everything to heart.

"Your boy is so mature for his age," someone commented to Touya Meijin.

"Yes. Yes he is," the Mejin answered, the tone in his voice softening slightly, a smile lightening his normally serious face.

A young Akira, who was replaying old Go games in the corner, scribbled lessons learned in a notebook. His diligent work had not distracted him enough to catch the comment. _Father likes the fact that I am mature,_ he thought. _Then that's it. No matter what I do, I'll be mature. I'll grow as quickly as I can. My Go, my school work, no matter what. One day he'll tell me that I've done a good job._ With a satisfied smile, Akira buried his head deeper into the notebook, eyes glancing from the game to the pages of painstakingly handwritten notes.

The second scene faded into another one. This one was at night, in a familiar den, the Touya's family den.

"I taught you about this the other day," the Meijin said facing his son at the goban, face serious. "What should you do in this situation?"

"Tsuke here?" he asked pointing out the spot, even though he knew very well that that was the answer.

"Be more certain in your answer," the Meijin cautioned. "Uncertain play only leads to an uncertain heart. That can cost you the game, Akira."

The boy smiled and nodded at the lesson, but inside, Hikaru heard his thoughts. _Still not good enough. I have to grow more. I have to make him proud, like he told me before. In order to that, I have to work harder … work harder._

"This is awful!" Hikaru yelled at Sai. "Touya Meijin's so stern all of the time. Is he always like this?" _Poor Touya, what a way to grow up._

Sai shook his head.

The corner of Hikaru's mouth turned down into a frown. "Not like this all of the time, but compliments given to Touya by the Meijin are few, aren't they?"

Sai only smiled.

"And he gets plenty of… encouragement." Hikaru's voice was dull. Unlike Akira, Hikaru wasn't raised by constantly being told "to aim farther, to do better." Also unlike Akira, Hikaru had never been at the top of anything he did, and it seemed increasingly unfair to him that young Akira never allowed himself to realize to the extent of which he excelled, not until he had a direct comparison. And even then, it seemed as if the boy was only interested in aiming higher, achieving the next level, never dwelling in his successes.

"No wonder Touya cares so much what other people think."

Sai cocked his head, furrowed eyebrows showing his disagreement.

"Not what people like his peers would think, but elders like his father would think. He carries the burden of being his father's son. It motivates him, but puts so much pressure on him at the same time."

Sai rewarded his observation with a smile.

_It's no wonder he is the way he is,_ Hikaru thought. _It's no wonder why he's so closed about himself, afraid to open up. The pressure that his father brings, he has to carry that weight on him as he rises in the Go world. He's afraid to step out of the box of perfection that he has defined for himself. He's afraid of disappointing his father, of disappointing everyone. Feeling the constant need to seek approval from someone, it's frustrating._ A wry smile spread on Hikaru's lips. He knew the feeling very well, although not nearly to the depths that Akira did. Seeing Akira's growth before his eyes made his heart swell with emotion, and he cherished the other boy even more than before.

"I understand now, Sai," he said. "I understand Touya and the reasons behind his reservations. Thank you."

The ghost just smiled and held something in his hand. Slowly, his arm outstretched to hand the item to Hikaru.

_Cell phone?_ _That's odd._

Not a moment later after the thought crossed his mind did a shrill ring sound through his room, waking him completely. Fumbling, Hikaru grasped for the phone he was so sure he had left on his nightstand.

"Gotcha," he said triumphantly. Eyes widened when he saw who was calling for him so early in the morning. "T-touya," he whispered, clicking the on button in order to allow the call to come through.

**Author's notes:** I see Akira being raised this way. Touya Meijin's so scary. He's **got** to be one of **those** Asian parents, if you know what I mean.

(1) In this ff I chose not to incorporate Japanese (except for name suffixes), but I imagined this particular response from Akira in Japanese. Just picture little Akira in his cute little suit, blinking those big, innocent eyes, saying, "daaaaaaaisuki," while a smile spreads across his round, baby-fat covered cheeks. Kya! It's too precious. : glomps Akira : … : regains normal composure : I'm done now.


	13. Contemplations

**Disclaimer: **The closest I get to owning Hikago is all of the paraphernalia I've bought. I have socks with Akira on them, seriously. They are so cute.

**Author's Notes: **First update for a while. Sorry! I blame beginning of school rush and no internet. (I **still** have no internet ... I'm updating at the computer labs : sobs : I MISS INTERNET!) But I wouldn't not update, especially seeing that today celebrates a happy occasion. : nods : It's 9/20; happy birthday, Hikaru! Or will it be ... ?

**Chapter 13: Contemplations**

"Hello?" Hikaru spoke to the phone cautiously. He had told Akira not to contact him until he had decided what he wanted. Now that the other boy was on the phone, Hikaru became aware of the dull beating of his heart as he wondered whether being contacted so early was a good or a bad thing. A sick, nervous feeling washed over him. Palms began to sweat; heart beat began to quicken as he prepared himself for rejection, just in case the news was not good.

"Shindou." Akira paused after only saying his name. He wanted to ask to see if the boy knew who he was, but felt stupid in doing so in case the boy did. The dream that he had just had disturbed him, shaking him to his very core and awakening him rudely to the fact that he indeed had a lot to lose.

"Touya, what is it?" Hikaru asked, interrupting Akira's thoughts. "It's eight in the morning, and you're calling me. What is it you need to say?" After realizing that he had blurted out his true thoughts, Hikaru sucked in a breath and awaited his fate.

"I need to talk to you." The statement was simple and cut straight to the point, but the pause that followed it indicated deeper thoughts.

"Yes, so go ahead and talk." Hikaru urged. Patience had never been one of his strong points, and Akira's hesitation was simply torturing him.

_Oh, this is not going well,_ Akira thought knowing very well that his emotions were making his usually controlled personality flounder. "I mean," he corrected, "I need to see you."

Hikaru paused. _This is a good thing, right?_ "You need to see me," he repeated slowly, just to make sure he had heard correctly.

"Yes," Akira answered, shortly.

"Like now?" Hikaru affirmed dumbly.

"If it wasn't now, why would I be calling?" Akira asked, irritated. Vaguely, he realized the oddity of how his feelings of utmost worry were fading back into comfortable familiarity.

"I don't know," Hikaru answered, truly puzzled. "Alright. I can head over to your place. I can be over there in a little less than an hour."

"No!" Akira cried. "Stay at home. I'll go to you." Even though the dream of Hikaru's memory loss had already begun to fade from a possible reality to just a dream, he was uneasy about tempting fate. If the other boy didn't have to move, then that was the preferred option.

"You want to come here at 8 in the morning?" Hikaru asked incredulously. "Touya, what's wrong?" An uncomfortable silence ensued, and for a moment, Hikaru thought that they had been disconnected. "Touya?" he tried again. "Are you still there?"

Akira exhaled loudly, not knowing how to respond to Hikaru's curiosity. "Yes, I'm still here." Fingers went to pinch the bridge of his nose, trying to relieve the tension that had begun to build up. "I just would much rather talk to you in person. I'll be there as soon as possible."

Before he knew it, Hikaru found himself listening to a dead line, the soft, empty humming providing the only indication.

-----------------------------

Like clockwork, Akira went through his everyday morning ritual, washing his face, brushing his teeth. For time's sake, he decided to forgo breakfast. And soon, he found himself completely dressed, surveying his final appearance in the mirror. Green eyes sparked a little, even while the rest of his face remained impassive. His lips were pressed together into a grim, straight line. A tiny, almost ironic smile, tugged at the corners of his mouth as he ran a hand through his hair, smoothing out the bangs. Shaking his head, he left the house quietly and walked towards the train station. On his way, he contemplated what he exactly wanted to accomplish in this meeting.

_I don't want to lose him,_ he admitted to himself, pace quickening. Glancing at his watch, he realized if he hurried he could make an earlier train than he had planned. The urgency that he felt to see Hikaru indicated just how important the other boy's presence was to him. Deep inside, he knew that he couldn't imagine a day without Hikaru, a constant reminder of his passions, both of them. He simply could not let the dream he had had the night before become reality. Biting his lower lip thoughtfully, he boarded the train wondering what the correct course of action would be.

_I want him to always be there. And I want to be with him … but …_ Something deep inside still nagged at him. Although he had come to the realization of how much Hikaru meant to him, he was still hesitant, unsure about the ramifications of what starting a relationship with Hikaru could bring. If the Go world found out about the two of them, they would definitely be gossiped about. Inside, he felt himself waver, knowing that he already had more attention than he wanted on him without having his personal life scrutinized. And his parents, he didn't know what would happen if his parents ever found out. The disapproving looks that he was imagining weren't helping the situation at all.

As his emotions battled, the train drew closer to the station that was within walking distance to Hikaru's house. Delicate fingers gently massaged the temples of his head as his mind worked out scenario after scenario. For just a moment, he wished that logic and self-restraint would leave him. He wished that he could allow his emotions to rule without considerations of social normalities or the risks that this sort of an endeavor would entail.

Throughout this process, he realized something else. _I'm scared_. As he became gradually aware of that fact, he felt the severity of each of his heartbeats increase, the pounding sensation almost becoming painful.

_If I leave things like they are now, nothing will change. I know that things will remain the way that I'm used to them: seeing Hikaru everyday and playing wonderful games with him. But if I give into these feelings, if I admit them to him and a relationship starts … what will happen if it doesn't work out?_

He hated his logic, hated the fact that he was had the foresight to consider all potential outcomes to every action he could possibly take. More than that, he hated the self doubt that he had deep inside. The strong uncertainty that he felt about himself gave away to self loathing, which rose up from the pit of his stomach and began to eat its way to his heart. _What if I can't measure up? What if he decides that I'm not good enough for him?_

Lack of confidence paralyzed Akira as the most recent set of thoughts cycled rapidly through his mind. For the longest time, he had known that Hikaru was special, that he had a particular aura to him. The thought of the other boy's warm smile caused his stomach knot and twist within itself, but the possibility that things would not work out ran rampant through his mind.

What would he do if that happened? There would be no way that things would ever be normal after the admittance of any type of romantic feelings. That detestable self doubt sloshed turbulently within Akira, threatening to devour him as he exited the train. Biting his lip, he stepped onto the platform, realizing that he was still uncertain about how to play out the inevitable conversation that he was about to have with Hikaru.

-----------------------------

Hikaru sat anxiously waiting for Akira's arrival. Unable to focus on any of his thoughts, he chose to watch his hands, which refused to stay idle, wring in his lap. _Left hand over right hand, then right hand over left hand, and then left hand over right hand._

He was driving himself crazy. Shaking his head, he raised his hands slightly and then smacked them down on his thighs, forcing them to stay still. Fingers dug into the jeans that he was wearing, bunching the material, shoving into the flesh underneath. Letting out an exasperated sigh, he couldn't help but feel disgusted as he watched his right foot begin to bounce up and down.

_GAH! Wiggle leg syndrome._ Clawed hands tried to slow the movement, tried to force the leg to stop moving, but to no avail. What was he so nervous about? Akira wanted to see him, wanted it so badly that he had waken him up. That could only be a good sign. But as time passed, Hikaru found nerves eating away at his confidence. Perhaps it was due to the fact that he could never quite read his rival; perhaps it was due to the fact that he desperately needed some sort of acknowledgement from Akira. Whatever the reasons were, he couldn't seem to calm himself down, and to attest to that fact, he felt the dampness of sweaty palms soak through the cloth of his jeans.

_I should be looking for him,_ he chided himself from his spot on a bench at he train station. He turned green eyes forward and tried to spot one familiar dark head out of the multitudes of people that were rushing out of the train…

**Author's notes:** I like descriptions. : sheepish grin : Long, pointless, rambling descriptions (which I hope you all enjoy reading). One of those non-event based chapters that I'm not too particularly fond of. : frowns : But, as always, reviews are appreciated (and strongly encouraged).

- The next chapter will be the last one. I know what's going to happen but have to go about making sure that it all comes out right. Until then ...


	14. What Goes Around Comes Around

**Disclaimer:** The characters aren't mine. I'm just borrowing them for ff purposes.

**Author's notes:** This is it; everyone, enjoy the last chapter!

**Chapter 14: What Goes Around Comes Around**

Akira pushed his way through the people that were exiting at the same stop he was, trying to make final decisions about what he'd say to Hikaru when he reached the other boy's house. Before that could happen, a pair of eyes caught his attention. It was Hikaru, and those deep green eyes of his were focused intently on him.

Shock coursed through Akira. Although he wasn't quite sure how he wanted to approach the delicate subject of their growing feelings for each other, he let another emotion - anger - which he was much more familiar with take over.

"What are you **doing** here, Shindou?" he asked hurrying over.

"I came to meet you," Hikaru replied puzzlement shining in his eyes, brows furrowed in confusion.

"I told you to stay at your place!" Akira exclaimed, putting all of his icy coolness into his eyes as he stared down at the sitting Hikaru.

"I wanted to see you earlier!" Hikaru shot out. _Touya Akira, you are impossible,_ he thought. _You say insensitive things, treat me coldly, anger me, but I'm still drawn to you. I still want you._

While arguing, Hikaru didn't even notice when the qualms about their situation had slipped away. He couldn't identify the point when he no longer felt the threat of oncoming fits of nervousness. Somehow, all of his earlier tensions had eased, and he realized that being like this was just fine. The rapport he and Akira had together, even if it did seem like childish bantering, was nice the way it was, not to say that Hikaru would be forever placated by a platonic relationship. _Touya, even if you aren't ready now, I'll wait until you are. I'll wait for you to come around, and I know you will._

It was at this point that Hikaru realized he was not really listening to Akira's rant, a fact that was reinforced when he felt a sharp nudge on his shoulder.

"I can tell that you aren't listening to me now!" Akira continued with his tirade.

"Huh?" Hikaru asked, snapping back to reality, blinking wide eyes innocently.

"I was saying," Akira punctuated, "that you can't even listen to one thing I say. I told you to stay put at your house."

"Hey, if I had waited for you to come, my mom would have been awake. How am I supposed to explain your early visit?" he retorted.

"That's not the point!" Akira cried.

"Then what **is** the point?" Hikaru asked, feelings of frustration coming easily to him. "What are you trying to get at?"

"What would I have done if something had happened to you on your way here?" Akira demanded.

The tone to his voice was heated, full of that fiery Akira anger. But the words that were spoken conveyed a completely different meaning. Even Hikaru didn't miss the message of Akira's last question, which showed concern and caring. It was all he needed to hear.

Hikaru's hands, seeming to have a life of their own, unclenched themselves and grabbed Akira's. When Hikaru looked up at the other boy with a smile, he saw surprise shine in the once furious sea green eyes. The emotions smoothed out in those eyes, softened, as signs of anger dropped off of his pale face.

"Touya," Hikaru encouraged, gazing longingly at the other boy.

"Shindou, I …" He felt himself falter, swaying in his standing position.

With an understanding smile, Hikaru brought his hands, still clasped around Akira's, from Akira's side to the front between the two of them. Then, his grin widened as eyes twinkled mischievously. Taking the initiative, he tugged down, urging the other boy to kneel to his level, and he was mollified as he watched Akira lose his footing.

Akira mouth formed a wordless "o" shape as he felt his legs trembled feebly, folding underneath him like that of a newborn foal trying unsuccessfully to stand for the first time. Helplessly, he sank to his knees and found himself looking up at Hikaru's kind, accepting face. _Weren't we just fighting?_ He asked himself, unsure at when the mood had changed.

"You care, Touya, don't you?" Hikaru prodded gently.

Akira's eyes widened, as he felt the words leave him once more. Was this really Hikaru that was looking at him with such understanding eyes? Automatically, his head nodded, even if only weakly. Still, he felt as if it weren't enough. _I have to speak,_ he told himself. _I don't want to lose the chance of having him in my life._

Hikaru shook out his hair, tousling fine golden strands, and gave a good-natured smile. "That's all I needed to know."

Akira stared at Hikaru, eyebrows furrowing in confusion, unsure at where Hikaru's new understanding had come from. Last night, the other boy had been pretty straight-forward with his demands on what he needed to hear, and Akira felt as if he should still deliver something. The boy, this boy in front of him that meant so much to him had a fear of losing people he loved. If he could help ease that worry, he should, and he knew it. Before he could speak, Hikaru continued with his own thoughts.

"It's okay," he said. "I understand that you're hesitant to say such things, so it's okay if you're not ready to say it now. I know how you feel even if you can't tell me, and that's enough for now. Until you're ready to say it, I'll say it enough for the both of us. I like you … more than a friend and rival. I want to be the one that can kiss away your uncertainties and make you feel better."

The last two statements were soft and simple, and Akira was able to feel the truth in Hikaru's words. Heart constricting painfully, he wondered where the kindness and understand was coming from. Everything about Hikaru's behavior right now moved him deeply, turning his insides to a mess of jangled emotions, with need quickly becoming the strongest of them all.

_Why is he being so nice?_ Akira thought, trying once more to gather his wits, trying to overcome the social awkwardness that had become a way of life for him. _If he can be so understanding, if he can cut back on his demands … even if I'm not ready to tell everyone like he is … I can at least tell him …_

"And so," Hikaru continued, hesitating before he came to the decision to make a rather bold step. "A-Akira." He tested the new name with his mouth and found that it rolled off of his tongue easily.

Deep, olive-green eyes glanced at Akira's face, searching for approval to use his familiar first name. The sea-green eyes that had just moments before been filled with painful insecurity widened with the sparkle of new hope. The flush that rose on Akira's cheeks made Hikaru want forsake his rival's hands in favor of cupping the face in his hands and of brushing the indication of the gathering warmth.

To Hikaru the signals that Akira was sending were more than clear, and it warmed his heart to know that he was melting Akira's uncertainty, cutting swiftly through that emotionless façade. Hikaru continued, unable to resist the urge of saying the name again. "Akira, I want you to feel as if you can tell me what you're scared of." With that, he gave into his desire to touch the other boy's face, laying Akira's hands gently on his lap before disengaging his fingers from the other boy's.

Hikaru made sure that his movements were slow and smooth, as hands gently cupped Akira's face, thumbs brushing lightly against the flushed cheekbones.

_Akira,_ he thought relishing the way that Hikaru said his name. Everything about the way Hikaru was acting today seemed to reach him, and, for once, his desire outweighed all of his worries. "I don't want you to disappear on me," he whispered hoarsely. He felt a prickling warmth gather in the corner of his eyes and prayed that he wouldn't cry.

Hikaru let the breath he had been holding woosh out. This was it? He knew better than anybody that being disappeared on was not fun. "I wouldn't do something like that to you," he reassured, letting his hold on the other boy's face go in order to gently brush at the bottom of Akira's eyes with the side of his index finger.

Now that he had started, Akira felt as if he couldn't stop, that if he did stop, he'd never say the words that he needed to say. "I'm afraid that you'll change your mind," he continued miserably dropping his head so that his eyes stared at the dull gray ground instead of looking into Hikaru's bright eyes. "That the more you get to know me the more you'll think that I'm not worthy of you."

_Say WHAT?_ Hikaru thought, unable to keep his eyes and his mouth from widening in shock. _And I thought that I was the one who had to worry about not being good enough, of not being special enough._ "Don't worry about things like that," Hikaru managed to say once he found his voice again. Look at me, Akira. Look at me!" The command, although soft, held authority, and he was pleased to see the dark head before him snap up to reveal worried eyes filled not just worry but with a self doubt that Hikaru had never seen in the normally self-assured Akira. "I wouldn't do anything like that to you."

"I'm sorry," Akira said. "You have been so supportive today, and all I've done is be uncertain." From that point, he seemed to gather himself enough to put on a watery smile, somehow making the tears rescind from his eyes. "I … I may not be ready to say it to everyone like you are, but… I can tell you …"

Hikaru felt his heart soar, the beginnings of a grin breaking across his face.

"You mean a lot to me, Hi-Hikaru." Akira returned the favor of using Hikaru's first name. "I like you –a lot –and I don't want to risk the chance of losing you." He shook his head, sending silky strands flying around his face. "I'm sorry that this is all I can manage to do."

Hikaru put his hands in Akira's hair, relishing the feeling of the softness between his fingers. "It's plenty," he told the other boy. "It's plenty." With that, he lowered his face, using his superior grip to tilt Akira's head up so that he could press his lips against the other boy's. The kiss was chaste, more like a light brushing of lips, and it was over before Akira had a chance to protest that other people could be watching. Afterwards, Hikaru pulled the other boy closer, letting Akira rest his head against his chest, holding onto him for just a moment.

"Hey," Hikaru said when he released the boy, standing up on his feet.

"Hmmm?" Akira asked, shakily rising to his feet as well.

"Do you want to get breakfast?"

"Sure," the other boy answered easily, gracing Hikaru with a small, but genuine, smile.

And although, the two of them didn't leave the train station hand in hand, Hikaru still felt satisfied. He and Akira chatted easily, while looking for a place to eat.

"EHH!" Hikaru exclaimed, looking into the window of a familiar fast food restaurant. "Isn't that Waya and Isumi? Let's go in here! There's this breakfast burrito that I always wanted to try. Sadly, I've never been able to make it in here before breakfast ended." With one last thoughtful look towards his friends that were already sitting inside, he grabbed hold of Akira's arm and dragged the dark haired boy behind him on his way to the entrance.

_Ugg,_ Akira thought, _fast food … with Waya._ He still had no idea why the other boy disliked him so much. But still, Akira gamely allowed himself to be dragged, amused that the same event had happened merely a few days ago.

Unable to keep the amused smile off of his face, he thought, _Even if some things are different now, it's good to know that Hikaru is still Hikaru._ So, he tried to put his best foot forward, as he greeted Hikaru's friends decorously and hoped for the best.

**Author's notes:** This ff was a lot better received than I thought it would be. Thanks to everyone who has been reading (especially those of you who took the time to review). I really do appreciate the support. I'm asking for one final critique. How effective was it as a piece of fiction now that it's all said and done? (I'm especially curious about reactions towards the ending, since I find them particularly difficult to write. I didn't want the story to drag or the end to be too abrupt …). Any suggestions on making subsequent works better?

Teaser for the sequel: Two years after the beginning of Hikaru and Akira's relationship, they start living together. What happens when an outside source finds out about them and threatens to expose it to everyone? (Will contain drama, fluff, and a sexually frustrated Hikaru … which may or may not lead to … )

Here's a scnipit of a scene, just for fun: … Cautiously, Hikaru turned the envelope over in his fingers, and then again. Curiosity sparked in his dark green eyes, and he finally satisfied it by using a pair of scissors to open the letter. When he pulled out the contents of the envelope he swore he felt his heart stop and then speed up as it slowly dropped into the bottom of his stomach.

"No," he whispered, gripping the edge of Akira's study desk in order to steady himself. "This can't be real." He shook his head refusing to believe what he was looking at. _Who would do such a thing?_ …


End file.
